Wow, it’s been 6 months since I’ve posted anything!
It’s been a rather busy six months and instead of looking backwards,
I prefer to look ahead…
I am hoping that my book will be finished this summer.
As I have said, one of the perks of being a teacher is having the summer off.
During the summer
I can devote my full attention to my 2nd job… hypnosis;
my 3rd job… being a Psychic/Medium;
my 4th job… writing, trying to finish my book and blog entries
and my 5th job… being Grandpa.
My book
“Spiritual Evolution- a Journey from Atheism to Spirituality”
is 3/4 complete.
It has been a work in progress for 5 years now and I wonder when I will feel it is complete.
I also wondered why it has taken so long, until I realized why;
the experiences that I have been going through over the past 5 years is an integral part of the book and needed to be lived out first and written about afterwards.
This “Spiritual Evolution” that I am documenting is the inevitable result of becoming… conscious (for lack of a better word).
My book is about my evolution from being a hard core atheist, believing that there is no god or “higher power” to being a "Spiritualist" (a person who believes in the continuity of consciousness after the death of the physical body and the ability to still communicate with that consciousness)
I saw only hypocrisy in organized religion. I was a Darwinist, believing in natural selection and that we were fortunately born as humans; you could have been born as a cockroach; we were lucky.
My view of after death communication (the ability of a Medium to contact the spirit of a dead loved one) was completely cynical.
Gypsy fortune tellers, taking advantage of the bereaved and when I saw Dionne Warwick on "The Psychic Friends Network", I was thoroughly convinced that this Mediumship stuff was a scam to take money from people who were very vulnerable.
But…
I could not explain my memories of the ghostly image of an old man in my room at night, which stopped being visible to me only after months of having to sleep with my head under my covers…
or
my ability to know what people were about to say before they spoke…
or
as I got older and after my father passed how I felt his presence or how he was able to prevent me from getting into car accidents; not once but many times…
or
how a person I met at a hypnosis workshop who "claimed" to be a Psychic/Medium, was able to connect with my father with amazing accurate validations.
She told me things my father said to me years ago,
that no one knew or could have known.
Things that were trivial in nature but just what I needed to hear
to challenge my disbelief
She continued with more validations and finally the message I needed to hear
from my father
that I had been waiting to hear since he had passed.
At that moment, I was instantly converted from cynic to believer.
I decided to take some classes to understand how this process works
with an internationally renowned author and Psychic Medium named
John Holland.
http://www.johnholland.com/
He opened a door for me which I choose to go through.
The experience of going through that door has not only
motivated me to write my book but has changed my life.
I strongly suggest that you put John Holland's latest book, titled
“Spirit Whisperer” on your reading list for the summer.
I will keep you updated on the progress of the book and my evolution…
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
New Years and Eating
I am a big believer in the work of Edgar Cayce.
If you don’t know who he is, please Google him, it will be worth the effort.
Although I am a hypnotherapist, the one area that I could use some help with, is my own weight management.
I tell my clients, “do as I say, not as I do” and like all of us know,
that is the worst thing to say to someone.
I also don’t believe in coincidence, so I received some advise recently from different sources that I want to share with you.
The first came from The A.R.E. (http://www.edgarcayce.org) an organization based on Cayce’s life’s work.
Look over this reading that Cayce gave to a person who had a severe weight issue. You may have to re-read it a few times to see the truth in those words.
Edgar Cayce Reading 911-7
This next advice I received was from a friend of mine who is in AA.
When talking about the stress in our lives, I laughed and admitted that I deal with my stress by eating.
He said that he had dealt with stress by abusing alcohol, but thankfully no longer
and a simple part of a prayer helped immensely.
The Serenity Prayer
The Third piece of advice came to me by a hypnotherapist and I want to share it with you.
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS ANYONE CAN KEEP
By: Ann Catherine Pawelczyk, C.Ht.
Remember - action follows thought so be sure to keep your thoughts positive for an unimaginably great outcome in any area!
Unfortunately, we all become experts in making New Year’s Resolutions
that are the same year after year.
Let’s try looking at them in a new way, so that we have brand new – New Year Resolutions
next year, with the feeling of success for those we set for ourselves this year.
If you don’t know who he is, please Google him, it will be worth the effort.
Although I am a hypnotherapist, the one area that I could use some help with, is my own weight management.
I tell my clients, “do as I say, not as I do” and like all of us know,
that is the worst thing to say to someone.
I also don’t believe in coincidence, so I received some advise recently from different sources that I want to share with you.
The first came from The A.R.E. (http://www.edgarcayce.org) an organization based on Cayce’s life’s work.
Look over this reading that Cayce gave to a person who had a severe weight issue. You may have to re-read it a few times to see the truth in those words.
Edgar Cayce Reading 911-7
With the arising of rebellious forces . . . the body has assumed the attitude:
"I will break over this time, and the next time I won't.
I will eat this because it pleases me at the present.
I will take this, for I don't want to suffer right now, and next time I won't."
This has been done until self loses such holds on self as to become in a manner the slave to self's own indulgences, in mental, physical and material things!
These conditions, then, require that there be made by self a definite stand to be taken; that is:
"If there is given me a definite program to follow
I will… I will…I will adhere to it,
no matter what I may suffer mentally or physically!
I will trust in the divine forces innate . . .
within my inner self for the strength to endure,
for the ability to say “NO” when I should!"
This next advice I received was from a friend of mine who is in AA.
When talking about the stress in our lives, I laughed and admitted that I deal with my stress by eating.
He said that he had dealt with stress by abusing alcohol, but thankfully no longer
and a simple part of a prayer helped immensely.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenityThis short and sweet prayer says it all.
to Accept the things I cannot change.
The Courage to change the things I can;
and Wisdom to know the difference.
The Third piece of advice came to me by a hypnotherapist and I want to share it with you.
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS ANYONE CAN KEEP
By: Ann Catherine Pawelczyk, C.Ht.
How do we help clients make a fresh start in 2009?
By showing them how to make "resolutions" they can keep!
Too often individuals on the path to self-improvement begin the
New Year with high-resolve and even higher standards that for the most part,
are darn near impossible to keep.
With human nature, when we set the bar high for ourselves-
and end up failing, (as we see as professionals in the self-improvement business all the time) -
what we're doing is actually keeping the cycle of negative reinforcement in action.
Negative reinforcement is a sure fire way to avoid reaching goals,
but it's a nasty habit many of us find ourselves holding onto and "unable" to release.
The way to ANY positive, lasting change is to set reasonable standards that are
flexible, and what we need to be flexible is a series of small manageable steps.
(I can hear you groaning already, but please, bear with me!)
Here's the key to lasting positive change:
When we start out small,
whatever changes we want to make have a much better chance of being integrated slowly and permanently into our lifestyles.
This is a concept we need to emphasize with our clients.
Then...we need to share the following with those we work with:
The barrier that keeps us from making changes in a "good" way is the fact we
often think the little steps aren't "enough".
So...we go for the gusto...and fail.
Hey - Rome wasn't built in a day, right?
Practice and Share these no-fail resolutions
- ANYONE can keep & get moving on the good path:
- LOVE yourself more this year than last year;
- FORGIVE yourself for any areas you've been "stuck" in the past;
- Be healthier by focusing on better balance instead of frequent fad DIETS;
- Be more ACTIVE by doing fun things out-of-doors and bond with nature;
- Re-member or discover something you love to DO;
- Create daily affirmations and USE them to reshape your mindset;
- Work to TRANSFORM one area of life from now through December;
- Instead of seeing what's "wrong" with your life, focus on what's RIGHT;
- VOLUNTEER your time to good causes;
- SAVE as little as $5 per week and reserve it only for something fun;
- Make it a point to GET TOGETHER with friends or family one night a month;
- Clear the CLUTTER and go one space at a time;
- Take each DAY as it comes;
- LAUGH more, LOVE more, and make it a point to complain LESS.
The more realistic we make goals, the easier it is to obtain success,
which IS the positive reinforcement that enables us to achieve.
Try something new this year with yourself and with clients:
Make a list of 5 things you'd like to improve this year in order of importance.
Once you have your list,
break each individual thing down into the smallest possible steps
and get started.
Enjoy your success!
Remember - action follows thought so be sure to keep your thoughts positive for an unimaginably great outcome in any area!
Unfortunately, we all become experts in making New Year’s Resolutions
that are the same year after year.
Let’s try looking at them in a new way, so that we have brand new – New Year Resolutions
next year, with the feeling of success for those we set for ourselves this year.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Jack and Anger Management - Part 3
Synopsis,
In my posting titled “Anger Management and the Adolescent Child” http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2008/08/anger-management-article.html
I introduced you to Jack. A fourteen year old adopted young man with many emotional problems, not the least of which, was the inability to management his anger.
In “Jack and Anger Management- Part 2” I described our last two sessions and my concern that I was not finding much success in trying to show Jack a better way to control his anger.
In this, the third posting, I describe how I changed my approach to help Jack in controlling his anger and why I went from directing him to accept his anger to using forgiveness to allow him to control and hopefully eliminate his anger.
I describe how, psychically I gained insight into what to do in Jack’s session.
I also found a new appreciation for the power of forgiveness.
From Part 2;
“Jack and Anger Management – Part 3
I decided at that point,
I had to change the direction I was taking with Jack’s therapy.
But, how was I going to be able to get through to this young man?
How was I going to get him to understand and believe
that more than accepting his anger, he needed to get past his anger?
If he allowed his anger to fester like an infection of the soul,
he would never know true happiness.
He now has the opportunity with his adoptive parents, who love him,
accept him unconditionally and will never reject him,
to know what the love of a real family is.
His anger was blocking him from growing.
If he was unable to get past his anger at the world,
I knew he would be stuck in this angry stage for his entire life.
Unfortunately, we all know people like that;
angry at the world for pain suffered in their youth.
These people may never know happiness and
I would hate to see Jack turn into one of those sad and angry men.
As I have told you in many other postings,
being a psychic/medium has a lot of advantages.
When I communicate with spirit,
I don’t ask who is communicating with me;
I just appreciate the connection and listen to it.
It doesn’t matter if the information that is coming to me
is from a father in spirit that wants to help his child
or a spirit guide that needs to redirect their “student” in the physical world
or if it is my “Hypnotherapist Guide”,
who I ask for help from constantly and who has never failed me;
when I get information from that part of my mind I accept it unconditionally.
So when I knew I was in for a complex and complicated hypnotherapy session
with Jack and his family,
I asked my Hypnotherapist “Spirit” Guide,
to give me a little help with this one… and, as usual, he came through.
As Jack and I went into my room where I do the actual hypnotherapy sessions,
I felt Jack’s pain and frustration
caused by his inability to control that irrational angry part of him.
He sat in the recliner as he had so many times before.
He has become one of those perfect hypnotic subjects,
and went quickly, almost instantly, into “Somnambulism”
(the most productive state of hypnosis that you can be in).
As I usually do, I helped Jack go deeper into hypnosis
by putting on some new age-y type music.
I said to myself
“OK, now how are you going to proceed?”
When I felt a chill, up and down my arms;
to me that is the unmistakable feeling of contact with a spirit.
If I were doing a psychic/medium session,
I would have expected this feeling and would ask this spirit to come closer
so I could get validations and messages.
But this connection was unexpected and
Jack was absolutely not interested in any messages from dead people
from his past that he would probably be angry with anyway!
Also I was getting a different “vibe” from this spirit,
it was not connecting with Jack,
it was connecting with me, giving me messages;
messages of how to get through to Jack.
I had been questioning to myself,
as to how I was going to facilitate this change in his perception
from being the perpetual victim;
always the one being abandoned;
always feeling rejection, even when there was no rejection,
to a person who could forgive, and get on with his life.
“Change his perceptions and you change his view of his life”,
I wasn’t sure where that came from.
A cynic would say it came simply from
my experience as a hypnotherapist and from working with Jack,
but I felt differently.
Perhaps a spirit from his family did give me insight;
perhaps my Hypnotherapist Guide…
But who gave me that insight was totally unimportant,
the message and insight they gave me was!
“Change his perceptions and you change his view of his life!”
OK I got it… thanks, whoever you are.
At the same instant, a thought came to me that if his mother had kept him,
he would have never known this loving couple who truly are “his parents”.
I realized (or was shown) that if his birth mother had kept him,
with what little we know about her,
his life could have been considerably worse;
possibly eating out of trash containers,
living on the street,
being subjected to drug users or worse.
My feelings towards this young mother instantly changed.
Instead of anger towards her for abandoning her son,
I felt an overwhelming feeling of sympathy and sadness for her.
Instead of the cold hearted, drug addicted tramp, who abandoned her child,
coldly walking away from him,
I saw her as a young girl,
in over her head, in a life that she could not deal with herself,
not to mention trying to raise a child.
Her decision to give Jack up for adoption was not a selfish decision;
it was a heart-wrenchingly difficult decision that took three years to make.
Once she realized that for Jack’s own good,
for his health,
for his future, which she could not provide for him,
the decision to give him up was the only one she had.
And it was harder for her than Jack could have ever imagined.
She did not abandon him; she gave her precious son away for his own good although she cries herself to sleep even now!
If in my eyes, I could make a shift like that, what would happen to Jack’s attitude,
if he no longer looked at himself as a victim, abandoned by everyone who was supposed to be there for him?
If I could help Jack fundamentally change his self image and his view of the people in his life, there wouldn’t be a need to control his anger, there would not be this overwhelming irrational anger there to control!
The anger may just be gone with this change of perception.
If he could only accept that he was loved and cherished and given away because his mother was convinced that it was the only choice she had and she had agonized over the decision for three years, he might just forgive her.
And if he could forgive his birth mother, would he be able to forgive the rest?
If the first family that adopted Jack, only to send him back to foster care, had kept him, he would have grown up in a family that could or would not have shown him the attention, love and caring he needed.
If that first adoptive couple had “kept” him, he never would have met and been adopted by this loving and supportive couple who became his REAL parents.
That first adoptive family, in fact, like his mother knew he would be better without them.
If he could see that first couple for the realists that they were instead of the selfish self-centered people he had viewed them as, forgiveness would be possible there too.
The plan came to me in a second;
I knew exactly how to proceed.
I thanked my hypnosis guide and continued.
Jack was already in a very deep state of hypnosis.
At this point, he is so good at going into the “altered state”, as we call it,
I simply say, “Ready?”
he nods,
I say “SLEEP!”
and he is there, in deep hypnosis.
I take no credit for it, I don’t think of what a great hypnotist I am, I simply acknowledge that the more often you hypnotize someone, the easier it is to hypnotize them again.
The session worked great.
I asked his angry part to come out and speak with me, which it did often and easily.
His Angry part stated that although he knew he was wrong in saying those hurtful things to his father and it was sorry for saying them, it cannot apologize and can’t forgive.
I asked his Angry part why he can’t forgive and it said
“No one loves Jack, they all reject him, if he forgives, he’ll only be hurt again, they don’t care about anyone except themselves…”
I asked him to go back to the time he was three, his mother had him by the hand and walked him to the door of the foster care facility.
He agreed and as he sat visualizing the scene, I saw he was getting angrier.
I asked him to look at his birth mother and describe her.
“She’s angry,
she’s ugly,
she has hard eyes,
she is pulling me by my arm,
she shakes me and says to stay,
she rings the bell,
the door opens,
she turns away,
she doesn’t say goodbye,
she doesn’t kiss me,
she turns,
she walks away…
I never see her again”
All this said with an undertone of anger, teeth clenched his brow deeply furrowed.
After some relaxation techniques, I asked him to picture what happened from a different angle… From his mother’s angle…
he was initially resistant.
I explained that there are two sides to every story and this may be his mother’s version…
“She is crying,
she has tried for three years to provide for her son,
she lost her job,
she is going to lose her apartment,
she has no husband to help her,
decisions she made in her life were very wrong
but she knows that is not Jack’s fault, she realizes he didn’t ask to be born,
she takes responsibility,
she finally realizes that she cannot keep Jack and she goes to the foster care agency.
She walks to the house and can’t look at Jack,
her heart is breaking,
she doesn’t want Jack to see her cry so she turns her head away from him,
Jack is three…
a baby…
he doesn’t know what is going on…
She rings the bell,
her hands are shaking,
she considers picking up her baby and running, but to where?
The door opens,
she turns and takes a step away,
her heart feels so heavy she thinks she is going to die and she walks away,
she turns the corner,
her legs give way,
she falls to the ground,
she cries until there are no more tears left to shed…
This process is called “Reframing” where you actually change the perception of the memory.
It doesn’t change history, he was put up for adoption and he was adopted and then returned, he was rejected, but now his view of the villains in these memories changed.
No longer villains, they were victims also.
I found a new appreciation for reframing a person’s perceptions.
I also found a new appreciation for the power of forgiveness.
After the session was over, he seemed like a different boy.
He was smiling and happy.
His parents, who had just seen their son angry and hostile, were surprised to see him in such a happy mood so quickly.
I don't know what will happen with Jack.
I hope that between his loving family, his intelligence, his emotional growth, and continued counseling, he will learn how to forgive and to trust people again.
I do know that it has been a learning and growing experience not just for Jack and his family, but for me also.
It has also been an experience that I will remember and cherish;
being part of the evolution of this young man’s life.
After all, that is why we are all here on this planet...
to learn and grow.
In my posting titled “Anger Management and the Adolescent Child” http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2008/08/anger-management-article.html
I introduced you to Jack. A fourteen year old adopted young man with many emotional problems, not the least of which, was the inability to management his anger.
In “Jack and Anger Management- Part 2” I described our last two sessions and my concern that I was not finding much success in trying to show Jack a better way to control his anger.
In this, the third posting, I describe how I changed my approach to help Jack in controlling his anger and why I went from directing him to accept his anger to using forgiveness to allow him to control and hopefully eliminate his anger.
I describe how, psychically I gained insight into what to do in Jack’s session.
I also found a new appreciation for the power of forgiveness.
From Part 2;
"… Jack looked up and nodded in agreement, in a way that I knew,
he agreed with my assessment of the situation.
I continued,
“Jack… Do you think that your mother would ever reject you?
Now don’t answer right away…
think about it…”
Without a second’s hesitation, he looked up at me,
then to Diane, shaking his head, saying strongly…
“NO! She wouldn’t”
“Your father?” I asked.
This time he hesitated a second, mulled over the question,
took a deep breath and said truthfully and definitively…
“No, he wouldn’t reject me either.”
“Do you absolutely believe that?” I asked
“You are not just saying that… It is what you truly believe?
Your parents WOULD NOT… EVER REJECT YOU?... Right?”
He quietly nodded “yes”
“If you believe that, then, do you know how much it hurt these two people”
referring to his parents “to hear those words from your mouth?”
As he looked up at them, tears were starting to form in his eyes
(along with his father’s, his mother’s and mine)"
“Jack and Anger Management – Part 3
I decided at that point,
I had to change the direction I was taking with Jack’s therapy.
But, how was I going to be able to get through to this young man?
How was I going to get him to understand and believe
that more than accepting his anger, he needed to get past his anger?
If he allowed his anger to fester like an infection of the soul,
he would never know true happiness.
He now has the opportunity with his adoptive parents, who love him,
accept him unconditionally and will never reject him,
to know what the love of a real family is.
His anger was blocking him from growing.
If he was unable to get past his anger at the world,
I knew he would be stuck in this angry stage for his entire life.
Unfortunately, we all know people like that;
angry at the world for pain suffered in their youth.
These people may never know happiness and
I would hate to see Jack turn into one of those sad and angry men.
As I have told you in many other postings,
being a psychic/medium has a lot of advantages.
When I communicate with spirit,
I don’t ask who is communicating with me;
I just appreciate the connection and listen to it.
It doesn’t matter if the information that is coming to me
is from a father in spirit that wants to help his child
or a spirit guide that needs to redirect their “student” in the physical world
or if it is my “Hypnotherapist Guide”,
who I ask for help from constantly and who has never failed me;
when I get information from that part of my mind I accept it unconditionally.
So when I knew I was in for a complex and complicated hypnotherapy session
with Jack and his family,
I asked my Hypnotherapist “Spirit” Guide,
to give me a little help with this one… and, as usual, he came through.
As Jack and I went into my room where I do the actual hypnotherapy sessions,
I felt Jack’s pain and frustration
caused by his inability to control that irrational angry part of him.
He sat in the recliner as he had so many times before.
He has become one of those perfect hypnotic subjects,
and went quickly, almost instantly, into “Somnambulism”
(the most productive state of hypnosis that you can be in).
As I usually do, I helped Jack go deeper into hypnosis
by putting on some new age-y type music.
I said to myself
“OK, now how are you going to proceed?”
When I felt a chill, up and down my arms;
to me that is the unmistakable feeling of contact with a spirit.
If I were doing a psychic/medium session,
I would have expected this feeling and would ask this spirit to come closer
so I could get validations and messages.
But this connection was unexpected and
Jack was absolutely not interested in any messages from dead people
from his past that he would probably be angry with anyway!
Also I was getting a different “vibe” from this spirit,
it was not connecting with Jack,
it was connecting with me, giving me messages;
messages of how to get through to Jack.
I had been questioning to myself,
as to how I was going to facilitate this change in his perception
from being the perpetual victim;
always the one being abandoned;
always feeling rejection, even when there was no rejection,
to a person who could forgive, and get on with his life.
“Change his perceptions and you change his view of his life”,
I wasn’t sure where that came from.
A cynic would say it came simply from
my experience as a hypnotherapist and from working with Jack,
but I felt differently.
Perhaps a spirit from his family did give me insight;
perhaps my Hypnotherapist Guide…
But who gave me that insight was totally unimportant,
the message and insight they gave me was!
“Change his perceptions and you change his view of his life!”
OK I got it… thanks, whoever you are.
At the same instant, a thought came to me that if his mother had kept him,
he would have never known this loving couple who truly are “his parents”.
I realized (or was shown) that if his birth mother had kept him,
with what little we know about her,
his life could have been considerably worse;
possibly eating out of trash containers,
living on the street,
being subjected to drug users or worse.
My feelings towards this young mother instantly changed.
Instead of anger towards her for abandoning her son,
I felt an overwhelming feeling of sympathy and sadness for her.
Instead of the cold hearted, drug addicted tramp, who abandoned her child,
coldly walking away from him,
I saw her as a young girl,
in over her head, in a life that she could not deal with herself,
not to mention trying to raise a child.
Her decision to give Jack up for adoption was not a selfish decision;
it was a heart-wrenchingly difficult decision that took three years to make.
Once she realized that for Jack’s own good,
for his health,
for his future, which she could not provide for him,
the decision to give him up was the only one she had.
And it was harder for her than Jack could have ever imagined.
She did not abandon him; she gave her precious son away for his own good although she cries herself to sleep even now!
If in my eyes, I could make a shift like that, what would happen to Jack’s attitude,
if he no longer looked at himself as a victim, abandoned by everyone who was supposed to be there for him?
If I could help Jack fundamentally change his self image and his view of the people in his life, there wouldn’t be a need to control his anger, there would not be this overwhelming irrational anger there to control!
The anger may just be gone with this change of perception.
If he could only accept that he was loved and cherished and given away because his mother was convinced that it was the only choice she had and she had agonized over the decision for three years, he might just forgive her.
And if he could forgive his birth mother, would he be able to forgive the rest?
If the first family that adopted Jack, only to send him back to foster care, had kept him, he would have grown up in a family that could or would not have shown him the attention, love and caring he needed.
If that first adoptive couple had “kept” him, he never would have met and been adopted by this loving and supportive couple who became his REAL parents.
That first adoptive family, in fact, like his mother knew he would be better without them.
If he could see that first couple for the realists that they were instead of the selfish self-centered people he had viewed them as, forgiveness would be possible there too.
The plan came to me in a second;
I knew exactly how to proceed.
I thanked my hypnosis guide and continued.
Jack was already in a very deep state of hypnosis.
At this point, he is so good at going into the “altered state”, as we call it,
I simply say, “Ready?”
he nods,
I say “SLEEP!”
and he is there, in deep hypnosis.
I take no credit for it, I don’t think of what a great hypnotist I am, I simply acknowledge that the more often you hypnotize someone, the easier it is to hypnotize them again.
The session worked great.
I asked his angry part to come out and speak with me, which it did often and easily.
His Angry part stated that although he knew he was wrong in saying those hurtful things to his father and it was sorry for saying them, it cannot apologize and can’t forgive.
I asked his Angry part why he can’t forgive and it said
“No one loves Jack, they all reject him, if he forgives, he’ll only be hurt again, they don’t care about anyone except themselves…”
I asked him to go back to the time he was three, his mother had him by the hand and walked him to the door of the foster care facility.
He agreed and as he sat visualizing the scene, I saw he was getting angrier.
I asked him to look at his birth mother and describe her.
“She’s angry,
she’s ugly,
she has hard eyes,
she is pulling me by my arm,
she shakes me and says to stay,
she rings the bell,
the door opens,
she turns away,
she doesn’t say goodbye,
she doesn’t kiss me,
she turns,
she walks away…
I never see her again”
All this said with an undertone of anger, teeth clenched his brow deeply furrowed.
After some relaxation techniques, I asked him to picture what happened from a different angle… From his mother’s angle…
he was initially resistant.
I explained that there are two sides to every story and this may be his mother’s version…
“She is crying,
she has tried for three years to provide for her son,
she lost her job,
she is going to lose her apartment,
she has no husband to help her,
decisions she made in her life were very wrong
but she knows that is not Jack’s fault, she realizes he didn’t ask to be born,
she takes responsibility,
she finally realizes that she cannot keep Jack and she goes to the foster care agency.
She walks to the house and can’t look at Jack,
her heart is breaking,
she doesn’t want Jack to see her cry so she turns her head away from him,
Jack is three…
a baby…
he doesn’t know what is going on…
She rings the bell,
her hands are shaking,
she considers picking up her baby and running, but to where?
The door opens,
she turns and takes a step away,
her heart feels so heavy she thinks she is going to die and she walks away,
she turns the corner,
her legs give way,
she falls to the ground,
she cries until there are no more tears left to shed…
This process is called “Reframing” where you actually change the perception of the memory.
It doesn’t change history, he was put up for adoption and he was adopted and then returned, he was rejected, but now his view of the villains in these memories changed.
No longer villains, they were victims also.
I found a new appreciation for reframing a person’s perceptions.
I also found a new appreciation for the power of forgiveness.
After the session was over, he seemed like a different boy.
He was smiling and happy.
His parents, who had just seen their son angry and hostile, were surprised to see him in such a happy mood so quickly.
I don't know what will happen with Jack.
I hope that between his loving family, his intelligence, his emotional growth, and continued counseling, he will learn how to forgive and to trust people again.
I do know that it has been a learning and growing experience not just for Jack and his family, but for me also.
It has also been an experience that I will remember and cherish;
being part of the evolution of this young man’s life.
After all, that is why we are all here on this planet...
to learn and grow.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Jack and Anger Management - Part 2
Synopsis,
This posting is a follow-up to a previous article titled “Anger Management and the Adolescent Child”.
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2008/08/anger-management-article.html
In this, Part 2, I review what has happened since Jack’s initial sessions and the two most recent sessions. I describe why I realized I had to change my approach to help Jack with his anger management issues. In Part 3, I describe how I went from directing him to accept his anger to using forgiveness to allow him to control and hopefully eliminate his anger.
In my posting titled “Anger Management and the Adolescent Child”
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2008/08/anger-management-article.html
I introduced you to Jack. A fourteen and a half year old, adopted young man with many emotional problems, not the least was the inability to manage his anger.
I have seen Jack ten times since then and he is now almost 16 (“15 and ¾” according to Jack).
His anger has continued to cause major complications and problems in his life, his parent’s lives and the lives of those around him.
Our last session was in late October 2009, when we had what I feel was a major breakthrough.
I made a decision to change the direction I was taking with Jack in his attempt to understand, accept and control his anger. This decision to change my approach with Jack actually started in late August, when I received an email from his mother and I knew without speaking on the phone, that Jack and his parents were having a very bad time.
I scheduled our session for mid September 2009, right after the start of the 2009/10 school year. At that session, I found out the Jack had been having many uncontrollable fits of rage.
His mother, Diane told me on the phone, that while on vacation in August to the Grand Canyon, with the family, he had a meltdown; cursing, screaming and was totally out of control.
Jack’s parents did not know what triggered the explosion.
“One minute he was fine, not talking a lot, but fine. When Peter (Jack’s father) said that he couldn’t buy a trinket, he blew up! We had no clue it was going to happen. One minute everything was fine and the next there was complete bedlam.” After calming down, Jack realized that he was wrong, but realized that he was totally unable to control his anger and he asked Diane to set up an appointment with me.
She also relayed a recent incident that happened at school, which ended with EMS being called to transport Jack to the hospital for observation. At the school and in the hospital, he was totally non-communicative. He would later tell us at that session that it was his attempt to control himself so he wouldn’t explode again. His method to control the anger from erupting was to totally shut off, saying that if he had said anything, he knew he would again lose control and once again explode. He was showing control in the attempt, but I needed to show him another way of controlling his anger, but I was running out of ideas.
Our appointment was on a Monday and when Jack, Diane and Peter came into my office, Jack seemed very upset, biting his lip, very sullen, referring to his parents as “he” and “she”. His parents described what had happened the day before. The argument had gotten so loud and out of control, that Jack said it got physical, describing how his mother grabbed him around his throat.
After a discussion involving how there are two sides to every story or argument, I got most of the facts needed and unfortunately, I saw a side of Jack that I had never seen before and it really concerned me.
This was another fight over Jack hearing the word “NO”, but it went entirely out of control. His father who told him that he couldn’t do something (what the something was, in fact, was unimportant) and Jack again exploded. Throwing things yelling at his father and culminating with Jack screaming at both parents…
“You are not my parents and never will be!” as he stormed away from them.
Diane explained that, that is when she physically restrained him, in order to calm the situation down.
In our past sessions, I felt that if he was conflicted by his anger, he needed to accept his anger in order to control it. Now he was accepting his anger so well, he was using it as a weapon to hurt the two people in the world who had proven to him that they would never reject him.
And now he was rejecting them!
I realized that the direction I was taking with Jack; specifically the acceptance of his anger did him a disservice.
I knew that if we could help him eliminate the anger, there would be no need to control it.
Eliminating anger is always preferable to simply controlling it, but again… how?
I knew that he had to accept the pain of growing up and that what was done, was done.
There was no changing history and the only way he would be able to get on with his life was to forgive everyone who hurt him.
I knew that without finding that forgiveness for all the people in his life who had betrayed him, any time he felt the least bit of understandable or justified anger, he would explode, automatically releasing all the pent up pain, rejection, anger and fury inappropriately at everyone near him.
The two people who warranted that release of anger the least and who unfortunately received it the most were his parents.
“Did that happen?” I asked Jack, “Did you really say that your parents?”
He simply said, “Yes…” with no eye contact.
I knew he was apologetic and wondered if his parents heard a real apology;
not just a gratuitous, “sorry…”
I continued, “Do you really feel that way? That they aren’t your parents and never will be?”
He again simply shook his head, no and again with no eye contact.
His sadness was palpable.
“Jack” I said, “Sometimes when you explode, you don’t think clearly and you can say things, really hurtful things, like what you said to your Mom and Dad, but you don’t mean them.
When these things are said, you want to take them back, but feel that it’s too late. So you want to apologize but you feel you can’t. Do you know what I’m saying?”
He looked up and nodded in agreement, in a way that I knew, he agreed with my assessment of the situation.
I continued, “Jack… Do you think that your mother would ever reject you? Now don’t answer right away… think about it…”
Without a second’s hesitation, he looked up at me, then to Diane, shaking his head, saying strongly… “NO!, she wouldn’t”
“Your father?” I asked. This time he hesitated a second, mulled over the question, took a deep breath and said truthfully and definitively… “No, he wouldn’t reject me either.”
“Do you absolutely believe that?” I asked
“You are not just saying that… It is what you truly believe?
Your parents WOULD NOT… EVER REJECT YOU?... Right?” He quietly nodded “yes”
“If you believe that, then, do you know how much it hurt these two people” referring to his parents" to hear those words from your mouth?”
As he looked up at them, tears were starting to form in his eyes (along with his father’s, his mother’s and mine).
The next posting will be next week and will conclude this 3 part Posting, reviewing the change in the way I used hypnotic intervention in Jack’s situation.
This posting is a follow-up to a previous article titled “Anger Management and the Adolescent Child”.
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2008/08/anger-management-article.html
In this, Part 2, I review what has happened since Jack’s initial sessions and the two most recent sessions. I describe why I realized I had to change my approach to help Jack with his anger management issues. In Part 3, I describe how I went from directing him to accept his anger to using forgiveness to allow him to control and hopefully eliminate his anger.
In my posting titled “Anger Management and the Adolescent Child”
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2008/08/anger-management-article.html
I introduced you to Jack. A fourteen and a half year old, adopted young man with many emotional problems, not the least was the inability to manage his anger.
I have seen Jack ten times since then and he is now almost 16 (“15 and ¾” according to Jack).
His anger has continued to cause major complications and problems in his life, his parent’s lives and the lives of those around him.
Our last session was in late October 2009, when we had what I feel was a major breakthrough.
I made a decision to change the direction I was taking with Jack in his attempt to understand, accept and control his anger. This decision to change my approach with Jack actually started in late August, when I received an email from his mother and I knew without speaking on the phone, that Jack and his parents were having a very bad time.
I scheduled our session for mid September 2009, right after the start of the 2009/10 school year. At that session, I found out the Jack had been having many uncontrollable fits of rage.
His mother, Diane told me on the phone, that while on vacation in August to the Grand Canyon, with the family, he had a meltdown; cursing, screaming and was totally out of control.
Jack’s parents did not know what triggered the explosion.
“One minute he was fine, not talking a lot, but fine. When Peter (Jack’s father) said that he couldn’t buy a trinket, he blew up! We had no clue it was going to happen. One minute everything was fine and the next there was complete bedlam.” After calming down, Jack realized that he was wrong, but realized that he was totally unable to control his anger and he asked Diane to set up an appointment with me.
She also relayed a recent incident that happened at school, which ended with EMS being called to transport Jack to the hospital for observation. At the school and in the hospital, he was totally non-communicative. He would later tell us at that session that it was his attempt to control himself so he wouldn’t explode again. His method to control the anger from erupting was to totally shut off, saying that if he had said anything, he knew he would again lose control and once again explode. He was showing control in the attempt, but I needed to show him another way of controlling his anger, but I was running out of ideas.
Our appointment was on a Monday and when Jack, Diane and Peter came into my office, Jack seemed very upset, biting his lip, very sullen, referring to his parents as “he” and “she”. His parents described what had happened the day before. The argument had gotten so loud and out of control, that Jack said it got physical, describing how his mother grabbed him around his throat.
After a discussion involving how there are two sides to every story or argument, I got most of the facts needed and unfortunately, I saw a side of Jack that I had never seen before and it really concerned me.
This was another fight over Jack hearing the word “NO”, but it went entirely out of control. His father who told him that he couldn’t do something (what the something was, in fact, was unimportant) and Jack again exploded. Throwing things yelling at his father and culminating with Jack screaming at both parents…
“You are not my parents and never will be!” as he stormed away from them.
Diane explained that, that is when she physically restrained him, in order to calm the situation down.
In our past sessions, I felt that if he was conflicted by his anger, he needed to accept his anger in order to control it. Now he was accepting his anger so well, he was using it as a weapon to hurt the two people in the world who had proven to him that they would never reject him.
And now he was rejecting them!
I realized that the direction I was taking with Jack; specifically the acceptance of his anger did him a disservice.
I knew that if we could help him eliminate the anger, there would be no need to control it.
Eliminating anger is always preferable to simply controlling it, but again… how?
I knew that he had to accept the pain of growing up and that what was done, was done.
There was no changing history and the only way he would be able to get on with his life was to forgive everyone who hurt him.
I knew that without finding that forgiveness for all the people in his life who had betrayed him, any time he felt the least bit of understandable or justified anger, he would explode, automatically releasing all the pent up pain, rejection, anger and fury inappropriately at everyone near him.
The two people who warranted that release of anger the least and who unfortunately received it the most were his parents.
“Did that happen?” I asked Jack, “Did you really say that your parents?”
He simply said, “Yes…” with no eye contact.
I knew he was apologetic and wondered if his parents heard a real apology;
not just a gratuitous, “sorry…”
I continued, “Do you really feel that way? That they aren’t your parents and never will be?”
He again simply shook his head, no and again with no eye contact.
His sadness was palpable.
“Jack” I said, “Sometimes when you explode, you don’t think clearly and you can say things, really hurtful things, like what you said to your Mom and Dad, but you don’t mean them.
When these things are said, you want to take them back, but feel that it’s too late. So you want to apologize but you feel you can’t. Do you know what I’m saying?”
He looked up and nodded in agreement, in a way that I knew, he agreed with my assessment of the situation.
I continued, “Jack… Do you think that your mother would ever reject you? Now don’t answer right away… think about it…”
Without a second’s hesitation, he looked up at me, then to Diane, shaking his head, saying strongly… “NO!, she wouldn’t”
“Your father?” I asked. This time he hesitated a second, mulled over the question, took a deep breath and said truthfully and definitively… “No, he wouldn’t reject me either.”
“Do you absolutely believe that?” I asked
“You are not just saying that… It is what you truly believe?
Your parents WOULD NOT… EVER REJECT YOU?... Right?” He quietly nodded “yes”
“If you believe that, then, do you know how much it hurt these two people” referring to his parents" to hear those words from your mouth?”
As he looked up at them, tears were starting to form in his eyes (along with his father’s, his mother’s and mine).
The next posting will be next week and will conclude this 3 part Posting, reviewing the change in the way I used hypnotic intervention in Jack’s situation.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle Part 2
Synopsis,
In Part 2 of this posting, I describe our hypnosis session and what was uncovered. Three days after our session, I spoke with Michelle’s mother who described the effects of our session. I offer my evaluation and comments on this hypnotic intervention.
Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle Part 2
Michelle felt comfortable having her mother present during the session,
so the three of us moved from the waiting room in the front of my office
to my office to the back,
where Michelle sat on my recliner and her mother sat on a chair in the doorway.
The session began with new age type music;
Steven Halpern’s “Higher Ground”,
playing in the background.
I used a standard hypnotic “induction” called progressive relaxation and when Michelle allowed herself to relax and go into “the altered state” of hypnosis, I deepened her trance state by bringing her to a very safe place.
Michelle was a great hypnotic subject.
In a comparison to the general public,
regarding the ability to go deeply into hypnosis,
she is probably in the top 10 percent,
going very quickly, easily and deeply into “Somnambulism” (the most effective state of hypnosis).
When I work with a new client,
I must plan the session I will use with them, as we are talking.
The “small talk” is very important for me because I get insight to decide which hypnotic techniques from the hundreds available, is right for my client.
In talking with Michelle and her mother,
I decided that a combination of three techniques,
which I have used before, in cases like Michelle’s,
would probably work very effectively.
My plan for Michelle was to use
-“Parts Therapy” to identify the claustrophobic part of Michelle that was so fearful of elevators and once that part is found,
I would use;
-“Regression Therapy” to go back in time to the very first time this fearful part was formed.
This “First time” experience is known as the “ISE” The Initial Sensitizing Event and sets the foundation for the fear to grow;
and finally
-“Gestalt Therapy” to change her perception of the fear itself,
in order to eliminate the fear completely and permanently.
After Michelle was in a deep hypnotic state, I had her seek out that claustrophobic part of her subconscious (Parts Therapy).
When that part was found, we worked together to get in touch with how Michelle physically felt when in an elevator.
We followed that feeling to earlier and earlier times in her life
(Regression Therapy), until we found the ISE.
Her ISE was when she was four years old in Disneyworld.
She recalled being in her father’s arms as they were entering an elevator.
He reacted to the thought of being in an elevator with a powerful panic attack, running out of the elevator.
She realized that that was why she became claustrophobic.
Her father, who was her protector, demonstrated that there is something to desperately fear when in an elevator.
She was shown, exactly how and why this fear was accepted by her four year old self (Gestalt Therapy)
and with a little more insight,
she realized that the fear was not truly hers,
but an adopted fear that was no longer necessary.
Her hypnosis session went absolutely perfectly!
When the session was over, Mary said that she remembered the elevator experience but never realized that it was that experience that caused Michelle’s fear.
Michelle said that although she now remembers the experience, the memory had been repressed.
We went back out to my waiting room to discuss the session in greater detail.
I wanted to know what concerns Michelle still had.
For people who have just experienced hypnotic intervention for the relief of a phobia, the greatest concern is the “What-If’s”.
Specifically, What if it didn’t work?
When I brought up the “What-if” concern, both Mary and Michelle said that that was their largest concern.
My response to the What-if’s, is that she must challenge herself.
My suggestion was to go directly to the Rockaway Mall and go into every elevator in the place.
Challenging herself to gain back the control that she had lost.
To challenge herself to gain control and not let the fear control her any longer.
When they left my office, I felt absolutely confident that Michelle was going to be fear free and would gain control back in her life.
Three day later, I received a call from Mary.
“Garry, I have to tell you…”
Her tone of voice concerned me, quiet and serious.
“Damn” I thought,
her tone of voice sounds as if the fear that Michelle had was still present.
I was truly surprised.
Michelle’s session was picture perfect.
I would not have changed a single thing about the session; it was that perfect!
So why did I get the feeling that I was going to hear some bad news about the results of our session?
I was overreacting and wrong…
“I can’t express to you the results of your session with Michelle”
Mary started,
“Except to say, Thank you so, so much!”
I felt as if a weight was removed from my shoulders!
I was relieved, happy and curious as to how they knew so quickly that the phobia was gone.
“As you suggested, when we left you we went straight to the Rockaway Mall.
We went into every single elevator there and guess what?...
Not only did she have no fear at all,
but she was actually laughing in the elevator.”
When someone with fears similar to Michelle’s,
has had a lifelong phobia and gains their control back,
it is not uncommon for them to laugh
when they are in a situation that would have caused a phobic attack.
Laughter is the indication that they are aware of the fact that they are no longer controlled by their fear.
The laughter is the release they feel when the fear is replaced by a sense of control.
I always appreciate feedback from my clients. Some email me and I am thrilled to post their comments on my website.
When I heard how good Michelle was doing, I felt thankful that I was able to help a young person eliminate a fear that had been ruining her life and had brought her such heartache.
Even though it was Michelle who obviously gained the most from our session, each and every session I have, where I can contribute to someone’s happiness, I also gain.
I am thankful for that opportunity to participate in a situation where there is mutual joy and closure.
If you are interested to learn more about fears and phobias, look at my 3 part article “PHOBIAS A to Z”
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2009_04_01_archive.html
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2009/05/phobias-from-to-z-part-2.html
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2009/05/phobias-from-to-z-part-3.html
In Part 2 of this posting, I describe our hypnosis session and what was uncovered. Three days after our session, I spoke with Michelle’s mother who described the effects of our session. I offer my evaluation and comments on this hypnotic intervention.
Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle Part 2
Michelle felt comfortable having her mother present during the session,
so the three of us moved from the waiting room in the front of my office
to my office to the back,
where Michelle sat on my recliner and her mother sat on a chair in the doorway.
The session began with new age type music;
Steven Halpern’s “Higher Ground”,
playing in the background.
I used a standard hypnotic “induction” called progressive relaxation and when Michelle allowed herself to relax and go into “the altered state” of hypnosis, I deepened her trance state by bringing her to a very safe place.
Michelle was a great hypnotic subject.
In a comparison to the general public,
regarding the ability to go deeply into hypnosis,
she is probably in the top 10 percent,
going very quickly, easily and deeply into “Somnambulism” (the most effective state of hypnosis).
When I work with a new client,
I must plan the session I will use with them, as we are talking.
The “small talk” is very important for me because I get insight to decide which hypnotic techniques from the hundreds available, is right for my client.
In talking with Michelle and her mother,
I decided that a combination of three techniques,
which I have used before, in cases like Michelle’s,
would probably work very effectively.
My plan for Michelle was to use
-“Parts Therapy” to identify the claustrophobic part of Michelle that was so fearful of elevators and once that part is found,
I would use;
-“Regression Therapy” to go back in time to the very first time this fearful part was formed.
This “First time” experience is known as the “ISE” The Initial Sensitizing Event and sets the foundation for the fear to grow;
and finally
-“Gestalt Therapy” to change her perception of the fear itself,
in order to eliminate the fear completely and permanently.
After Michelle was in a deep hypnotic state, I had her seek out that claustrophobic part of her subconscious (Parts Therapy).
When that part was found, we worked together to get in touch with how Michelle physically felt when in an elevator.
We followed that feeling to earlier and earlier times in her life
(Regression Therapy), until we found the ISE.
Her ISE was when she was four years old in Disneyworld.
She recalled being in her father’s arms as they were entering an elevator.
He reacted to the thought of being in an elevator with a powerful panic attack, running out of the elevator.
She realized that that was why she became claustrophobic.
Her father, who was her protector, demonstrated that there is something to desperately fear when in an elevator.
She was shown, exactly how and why this fear was accepted by her four year old self (Gestalt Therapy)
and with a little more insight,
she realized that the fear was not truly hers,
but an adopted fear that was no longer necessary.
Her hypnosis session went absolutely perfectly!
When the session was over, Mary said that she remembered the elevator experience but never realized that it was that experience that caused Michelle’s fear.
Michelle said that although she now remembers the experience, the memory had been repressed.
We went back out to my waiting room to discuss the session in greater detail.
I wanted to know what concerns Michelle still had.
For people who have just experienced hypnotic intervention for the relief of a phobia, the greatest concern is the “What-If’s”.
Specifically, What if it didn’t work?
When I brought up the “What-if” concern, both Mary and Michelle said that that was their largest concern.
My response to the What-if’s, is that she must challenge herself.
My suggestion was to go directly to the Rockaway Mall and go into every elevator in the place.
Challenging herself to gain back the control that she had lost.
To challenge herself to gain control and not let the fear control her any longer.
When they left my office, I felt absolutely confident that Michelle was going to be fear free and would gain control back in her life.
Three day later, I received a call from Mary.
“Garry, I have to tell you…”
Her tone of voice concerned me, quiet and serious.
“Damn” I thought,
her tone of voice sounds as if the fear that Michelle had was still present.
I was truly surprised.
Michelle’s session was picture perfect.
I would not have changed a single thing about the session; it was that perfect!
So why did I get the feeling that I was going to hear some bad news about the results of our session?
I was overreacting and wrong…
“I can’t express to you the results of your session with Michelle”
Mary started,
“Except to say, Thank you so, so much!”
I felt as if a weight was removed from my shoulders!
I was relieved, happy and curious as to how they knew so quickly that the phobia was gone.
“As you suggested, when we left you we went straight to the Rockaway Mall.
We went into every single elevator there and guess what?...
Not only did she have no fear at all,
but she was actually laughing in the elevator.”
When someone with fears similar to Michelle’s,
has had a lifelong phobia and gains their control back,
it is not uncommon for them to laugh
when they are in a situation that would have caused a phobic attack.
Laughter is the indication that they are aware of the fact that they are no longer controlled by their fear.
The laughter is the release they feel when the fear is replaced by a sense of control.
I always appreciate feedback from my clients. Some email me and I am thrilled to post their comments on my website.
When I heard how good Michelle was doing, I felt thankful that I was able to help a young person eliminate a fear that had been ruining her life and had brought her such heartache.
Even though it was Michelle who obviously gained the most from our session, each and every session I have, where I can contribute to someone’s happiness, I also gain.
I am thankful for that opportunity to participate in a situation where there is mutual joy and closure.
If you are interested to learn more about fears and phobias, look at my 3 part article “PHOBIAS A to Z”
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2009_04_01_archive.html
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2009/05/phobias-from-to-z-part-2.html
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2009/05/phobias-from-to-z-part-3.html
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle- Part 1
Synopsis;
This 2 part entry is about Michelle (not her real name) a 19 year old High School graduate who is going to be attending college in the fall of 2009. She has claustrophobia which manifests specifically in a fear of elevators and enclosed spaces. In Part 1, I describe in general, my experience with working with people who have phobias; getting a call from Michelle’s mother; my first impressions and the specific plan I decided to use to help Michelle eliminate this phobia and be able to fearlessly get on with her life.
Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle Part 1
The elimination of fears may be one of my most favorite hypnosis sessions.
I do believe there is no other type of intervention that has such a powerful and immediately positive result as hypnotic intervention for the purpose of eliminating a phobia.
When people come to my office for the elimination of fears or phobias, it is as if they are sitting there in the waiting room, with a dark cloud over their head. Phobic people are consumed with their particular phobia.
If they are not currently in the midst of a phobic attack, which can manifest from a mild discomfort to a full blown panic attack, they are constantly dreading and anticipating the emergence of the symptoms.
Very often fears or phobias take on a life of their own;
compounding, strengthening and sucking the joy from the person’s life.
Often the phobic person’s fear has been ruining their lives for as long as they can remember.
There are many different types and causes of phobias (see my blog posting “Phobias from A to Z”)
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/search/label/Phobias
There are also many commonalities between people with phobias.
-These fears are very often lifelong fears.
-They tend to become stronger over the years and manifest in other areas in the person’s life.
-The victim of a phobia feels hopeless and helpless against their fear.
-They feel alone in their fear; that no one truly can understand how the fear affects them.
-That no one takes their fear seriously; saying thing like, “just deal with it” or “Get over it, you’re such a wimp!”
-Often their self respect is negatively affected and they feel weak and helpless against it.
-The phobia itself becomes a tangible entity always present, ready to pounce and steal away what little joy the victim has left.
But, perhaps the most common and debilitating commonality is the “Tag Team” of “Anticipatory Anxiety” and the “Self-Fulfilling Prophesy”.
I call them a tag team because that is how they work; in tandem.
Anticipating the phobia, sets the stage for it to happen and unfortunately it almost always comes true.
Michelle’s mother Mary (not her real name) called me with many concerns for her daughter.
Mary said that Michelle would be attending college in the fall of 2009 and there were elevators in the dorm.
When Michelle saw them her phobias went into high gear.
Mary also told me that Michelle had been coping with the fear of elevators and enclosed places, by avoiding them.
She had sought therapy, but it didn’t help and she was curious if hypnosis could help her daughter.
We made an appointment for the following week.
In the office, my first impression was that Michelle was an attractive eighteen year old who reminded me of my daughter, when she was a senior in the same high school.
As I normally do, I began the session with introductions and a brief biography about how I became involved with hypnosis; how hypnosis works; the conscious and sub-conscious mind; etc.
The reason for this small talk in the beginning is for many and specific reasons.
It allows people to get comfortable with me and it allows me to decide on which of the hundreds of hypnotic interventions available for me to use, is right for my client.
I allow extra time for what may seem to be “small talk” but in fact it is critical, so everyone is calm and relaxed, before we begin the hypnotherapeutic part of the session.
I observed that Michelle was a bit nervous, which is very common and normal, but there was more.
She wanted it to work so badly and wanted to get right to the hypnosis.
Some people, who come to see me for the first time, may be a bit nervous and want to talk before the hypnosis session begins.
Michelle seemed distracted and I sensed that she did not want to talk at all. My sense was that she wanted to get right on with the hypnosis; small talk was unnecessary.
I asked her if my hunch was correct…
that she was OK with hypnosis,
that she felt and hoped it would work and that she just wanted to do it and hopefully she would be “cured” of this fear that has taken the joy from her life.
After explaining that I needed to know some more information from her, she relaxed and became less anxious to begin. I told her that we could get started as soon as I had all the information I needed.
Michelle relayed to me how the fear ruined her life;
How she had an opportunity to see the taping of the Tyra Banks TV show
and as soon as she saw the elevator she couldn’t go in the building,
causing annoyance to her friends and fear, embarrassment and frustration to Michelle;
how her boyfriend is losing patience with having to adjust his social life to accommodate her fears,
along with a few more situations when her life was negatively impacted by her fear.
I then asked her if she always had this fear and if anyone else in the family had similar phobias. She said that her fear was present for as long as she could remember and Mary offered the (important) fact that Michelle’s father and she had similar phobias. With a half smile, Mary suggested that perhaps “Michelle got it from us”, meaning her parents.
I explained to them both that phobias are not genetic or hereditary; they are environmentally started.
I felt that the fear started with a panic attack her father or mother experienced when Michelle was little and the fear imprinted in the subconscious of Michelle’s young mind.
I described to both Mary and Michelle, what I planned to do.
Under hypnosis, I would have Michelle enter “The Hallway of Her Mind”,
seeking the “Part” of her that is frightened of enclosed places like elevators.
Once we allow the memory to come out of the sub-conscious,
I can then do a process called “Reframing”
where I actually change the way Michelle felt about the memory.
The important thing to remember is that we do not eliminate the memory…
we can’t.
But we can change the way the person feels about the memory and thus, eliminating the fear associated with the thing that is frightening them so badly.
In the next posting
“Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle Part 2”,
I will describe how the hypnosis session went and what was uncovered.
Three days after our session,
I spoke with Michelle’s mother who described the results and my evaluation and comments on this hypnotic intervention.
This 2 part entry is about Michelle (not her real name) a 19 year old High School graduate who is going to be attending college in the fall of 2009. She has claustrophobia which manifests specifically in a fear of elevators and enclosed spaces. In Part 1, I describe in general, my experience with working with people who have phobias; getting a call from Michelle’s mother; my first impressions and the specific plan I decided to use to help Michelle eliminate this phobia and be able to fearlessly get on with her life.
Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle Part 1
The elimination of fears may be one of my most favorite hypnosis sessions.
I do believe there is no other type of intervention that has such a powerful and immediately positive result as hypnotic intervention for the purpose of eliminating a phobia.
When people come to my office for the elimination of fears or phobias, it is as if they are sitting there in the waiting room, with a dark cloud over their head. Phobic people are consumed with their particular phobia.
If they are not currently in the midst of a phobic attack, which can manifest from a mild discomfort to a full blown panic attack, they are constantly dreading and anticipating the emergence of the symptoms.
Very often fears or phobias take on a life of their own;
compounding, strengthening and sucking the joy from the person’s life.
Often the phobic person’s fear has been ruining their lives for as long as they can remember.
There are many different types and causes of phobias (see my blog posting “Phobias from A to Z”)
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/search/label/Phobias
There are also many commonalities between people with phobias.
-These fears are very often lifelong fears.
-They tend to become stronger over the years and manifest in other areas in the person’s life.
-The victim of a phobia feels hopeless and helpless against their fear.
-They feel alone in their fear; that no one truly can understand how the fear affects them.
-That no one takes their fear seriously; saying thing like, “just deal with it” or “Get over it, you’re such a wimp!”
-Often their self respect is negatively affected and they feel weak and helpless against it.
-The phobia itself becomes a tangible entity always present, ready to pounce and steal away what little joy the victim has left.
But, perhaps the most common and debilitating commonality is the “Tag Team” of “Anticipatory Anxiety” and the “Self-Fulfilling Prophesy”.
I call them a tag team because that is how they work; in tandem.
Anticipating the phobia, sets the stage for it to happen and unfortunately it almost always comes true.
Michelle’s mother Mary (not her real name) called me with many concerns for her daughter.
Mary said that Michelle would be attending college in the fall of 2009 and there were elevators in the dorm.
When Michelle saw them her phobias went into high gear.
Mary also told me that Michelle had been coping with the fear of elevators and enclosed places, by avoiding them.
She had sought therapy, but it didn’t help and she was curious if hypnosis could help her daughter.
We made an appointment for the following week.
In the office, my first impression was that Michelle was an attractive eighteen year old who reminded me of my daughter, when she was a senior in the same high school.
As I normally do, I began the session with introductions and a brief biography about how I became involved with hypnosis; how hypnosis works; the conscious and sub-conscious mind; etc.
The reason for this small talk in the beginning is for many and specific reasons.
It allows people to get comfortable with me and it allows me to decide on which of the hundreds of hypnotic interventions available for me to use, is right for my client.
I allow extra time for what may seem to be “small talk” but in fact it is critical, so everyone is calm and relaxed, before we begin the hypnotherapeutic part of the session.
I observed that Michelle was a bit nervous, which is very common and normal, but there was more.
She wanted it to work so badly and wanted to get right to the hypnosis.
Some people, who come to see me for the first time, may be a bit nervous and want to talk before the hypnosis session begins.
Michelle seemed distracted and I sensed that she did not want to talk at all. My sense was that she wanted to get right on with the hypnosis; small talk was unnecessary.
I asked her if my hunch was correct…
that she was OK with hypnosis,
that she felt and hoped it would work and that she just wanted to do it and hopefully she would be “cured” of this fear that has taken the joy from her life.
After explaining that I needed to know some more information from her, she relaxed and became less anxious to begin. I told her that we could get started as soon as I had all the information I needed.
Michelle relayed to me how the fear ruined her life;
How she had an opportunity to see the taping of the Tyra Banks TV show
and as soon as she saw the elevator she couldn’t go in the building,
causing annoyance to her friends and fear, embarrassment and frustration to Michelle;
how her boyfriend is losing patience with having to adjust his social life to accommodate her fears,
along with a few more situations when her life was negatively impacted by her fear.
I then asked her if she always had this fear and if anyone else in the family had similar phobias. She said that her fear was present for as long as she could remember and Mary offered the (important) fact that Michelle’s father and she had similar phobias. With a half smile, Mary suggested that perhaps “Michelle got it from us”, meaning her parents.
I explained to them both that phobias are not genetic or hereditary; they are environmentally started.
I felt that the fear started with a panic attack her father or mother experienced when Michelle was little and the fear imprinted in the subconscious of Michelle’s young mind.
I described to both Mary and Michelle, what I planned to do.
Under hypnosis, I would have Michelle enter “The Hallway of Her Mind”,
seeking the “Part” of her that is frightened of enclosed places like elevators.
Once we allow the memory to come out of the sub-conscious,
I can then do a process called “Reframing”
where I actually change the way Michelle felt about the memory.
The important thing to remember is that we do not eliminate the memory…
we can’t.
But we can change the way the person feels about the memory and thus, eliminating the fear associated with the thing that is frightening them so badly.
In the next posting
“Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle Part 2”,
I will describe how the hypnosis session went and what was uncovered.
Three days after our session,
I spoke with Michelle’s mother who described the results and my evaluation and comments on this hypnotic intervention.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Our Changing Times - Our Amazing Times
It is Saturday 6/20/2009 and it’s raining…
It has been raining now for three straight weeks in a row and it feels like three months in a row. I feel like a moldy wet rag and I can’t wait to see blue sky and the sun again.
My wife is at work and I have the house to myself.
I have been struggling with a two-month-old writers block, but I have recently been feeling the urge (need) to write.
So here I sit, at my kitchen, looking out into the wet, grey sky. Feeling blah…
I have my laptop on the table, open to my book,
“Spiritual Evolution- A Journey from Atheism to Spirituality”…
I notice that for whatever reason, I am distracted.
I have the TV on CNN and I am engrossed by what I am seeing.
Iran… What had been the “Axis of Evil” ...our enemy…
Is in the midst of another revolution.
The first thirty years ago was bad for the US but worse for the world.
Religious extremism of any type… Muslim, Christian, Jew is simply wrong.
Now images of young Iranians putting their lives at risk in support of their freedom are on CNN and I can’t break away.
I see the bodies of young Iranians, lying bloody; being carried by their friends and relatives and my thoughts and prayers go to these young freedom fighters.
I ask myself, Why is it that one small group of people who are in control of a larger group, always seem to resort to violence to keep that control?
And I think of how sometimes, I take the precious gift of our freedom for granted.
The rain outside my window suddenly seemed less dreary;
the clouds seemed less grey.
In comparison to what was happening half the world away I feel embarrassed by my own selfishness and self centeredness.
I am brought back to the early 1960’s with JFK as our president when I was a naïve, idealistic pre-teen.
The way I felt about our great country was to be challenged when that great man fell.
With each shameful act of violence to keep control, my idealism faded and my cynicism grew.
Robert Kennedy,Martin Luther King,
It seemed as soon as there was someone to believe in, someone else was there who didn’t believe and resorted to violence to stop any new hope.
Again, my hope returned with the promise of the Clinton administration,
only to be disappointed by the man himself, but not his message.
Now I am sitting at my same old kitchen table,
watching my same old TV and trying to write in my book,
but I am witness to an amazing change in a country thousands of miles away
that will not allow me to do anything but sit and watch change, in action.
This change for freedom is being accomplished by the voice of the Iranian people and I am brought to the recent change in our country.
Our change was peaceful, organized and a polar shift from the previous administration, with no violence.
How great is this country?
And I am once again an idealist no longer naïve; too much life experience in these 59 year old bones, hardened by too many “What could have been’s”.
But here I am again,
Mr. Idealist and proud to be one.
Now, always the optimist, even when I have been disappointed so often, I look at the TV and think of the “What If’s”.
I think back to the time, seven months ago on Election Day 2008 (Another memory that will always remain with me).
10 pm watching MSNBC and thinking
“He might actually do it! Obama may be the first African American president of the United States of America”.
I remember thinking that this man, may be “The One…”
The one that Kennedy could have been, given the chance.
But, Obama is different than all the rest or at least it feels that way to me… This time I don’t think I will be disappointed.
I gave myself the audacity to think... “What if”.
And at 11pm when Keith Obermann said
“MSNBC now projects that Barack Obama IS the next president of the US”, with my jaw agape and a tear in my eye, I thought “What if?”
What if he can change the view the world has of my country?
What if he can bring us together?
What if this was just the beginning of the changes?
"What If" there is the same change in Iran?
And now I am sitting at the same old table…
In the same chair…
Watching the same TV… on the same channel,
But the world could be very different tomorrow…
What if we could actually have World Peace, for our children?!
This is certainly an amazing time to be alive on this planet.
It has been raining now for three straight weeks in a row and it feels like three months in a row. I feel like a moldy wet rag and I can’t wait to see blue sky and the sun again.
My wife is at work and I have the house to myself.
I have been struggling with a two-month-old writers block, but I have recently been feeling the urge (need) to write.
So here I sit, at my kitchen, looking out into the wet, grey sky. Feeling blah…
I have my laptop on the table, open to my book,
“Spiritual Evolution- A Journey from Atheism to Spirituality”…
I notice that for whatever reason, I am distracted.
I have the TV on CNN and I am engrossed by what I am seeing.
Iran… What had been the “Axis of Evil” ...our enemy…
Is in the midst of another revolution.
The first thirty years ago was bad for the US but worse for the world.
Religious extremism of any type… Muslim, Christian, Jew is simply wrong.
Now images of young Iranians putting their lives at risk in support of their freedom are on CNN and I can’t break away.
I see the bodies of young Iranians, lying bloody; being carried by their friends and relatives and my thoughts and prayers go to these young freedom fighters.
I ask myself, Why is it that one small group of people who are in control of a larger group, always seem to resort to violence to keep that control?
And I think of how sometimes, I take the precious gift of our freedom for granted.
The rain outside my window suddenly seemed less dreary;
the clouds seemed less grey.
In comparison to what was happening half the world away I feel embarrassed by my own selfishness and self centeredness.
I am brought back to the early 1960’s with JFK as our president when I was a naïve, idealistic pre-teen.
The way I felt about our great country was to be challenged when that great man fell.
With each shameful act of violence to keep control, my idealism faded and my cynicism grew.
Robert Kennedy,Martin Luther King,
It seemed as soon as there was someone to believe in, someone else was there who didn’t believe and resorted to violence to stop any new hope.
Again, my hope returned with the promise of the Clinton administration,
only to be disappointed by the man himself, but not his message.
Now I am sitting at my same old kitchen table,
watching my same old TV and trying to write in my book,
but I am witness to an amazing change in a country thousands of miles away
that will not allow me to do anything but sit and watch change, in action.
This change for freedom is being accomplished by the voice of the Iranian people and I am brought to the recent change in our country.
Our change was peaceful, organized and a polar shift from the previous administration, with no violence.
How great is this country?
And I am once again an idealist no longer naïve; too much life experience in these 59 year old bones, hardened by too many “What could have been’s”.
But here I am again,
Mr. Idealist and proud to be one.
Now, always the optimist, even when I have been disappointed so often, I look at the TV and think of the “What If’s”.
I think back to the time, seven months ago on Election Day 2008 (Another memory that will always remain with me).
10 pm watching MSNBC and thinking
“He might actually do it! Obama may be the first African American president of the United States of America”.
I remember thinking that this man, may be “The One…”
The one that Kennedy could have been, given the chance.
But, Obama is different than all the rest or at least it feels that way to me… This time I don’t think I will be disappointed.
I gave myself the audacity to think... “What if”.
And at 11pm when Keith Obermann said
“MSNBC now projects that Barack Obama IS the next president of the US”, with my jaw agape and a tear in my eye, I thought “What if?”
What if he can change the view the world has of my country?
What if he can bring us together?
What if this was just the beginning of the changes?
"What If" there is the same change in Iran?
And now I am sitting at the same old table…
In the same chair…
Watching the same TV… on the same channel,
But the world could be very different tomorrow…
What if we could actually have World Peace, for our children?!
This is certainly an amazing time to be alive on this planet.
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