An Educational Testimonial

I work with Carole and have known her for over 20 years. She came to my “Introduction to Hypnosis Workshop” just for the experience and then asked me for a Mediumship reading. She sent the following Email to me. I think it is a great description about a person’s FIRST experience with Hypnosis AND Mediumship. Although it is a long email, if you are curious about the effect of hypnosis or Mediumship, it is worth the time to read it.

 Carol's Testimonial

I attended Garry's Hypnosis Workshop in October of 2013 it was the first time in my life that I went to any type of workshop like that. Now I am a person who would NEVER BELIEVE THAT THIS COULD HAPPEN TO ME. I would see it on TV and say it was "FIXED". So I told Garry that a friend of mine and I would attend but I really didn't believe that I could be hypnotized. I didn't know what to expect or what would happen. I said to myself that I'll just go and see what happens.  Garry stood in front of the group of people and talked about hypnosis and other things and told all of us what we needed to do which was basically just to relax, listen to the music and to him talking. I was in a room with total strangers and a friend that I grew up with. He explained what we would feel and to just go with it.  I was thinking "NO WAY IS THIS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME... NO WAY!!!!

As he was talking to us, it was so strange that everything he said I would feel, I DID! I couldn't believe I was really hypnotized, I thought, "anybody but me!" At the end of that first hypnosis experience, he said that if we wanted to open our eyes to do so. But I didn't want to, it felt so nice! During the second hypnosis experience, he told us to put our arms straight out, close our eyes and imagine one hand holding heavy books and the other holding a bunch of colorful balloons. What totally blew my mind was that I actually felt and saw them! I was like "OMG this is unreal".

When Garry said we can all open our eyes truthfully I didn't want to, but did.  After the session was over I was like "WAS I REALLY UNDER?", "DID THIS REALLY HAPPEN?"  Well I know it did cause, man! did I feel and see things that I never would have guessed I would.  GUESS WHAT I NOW KNOW? I have no doubt about hypnosis or if I can be hypnotized. IT WAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE. If you have a chance to be hypnotized, jump at it!

Garry is a teacher (in more ways than one way) we both work in the same school and I have known him for over 20 years. The experience at his workshop got us talking a lot about all that hypnosis stuff. And as if that alone wasn't enough to blow my mind, what happened later REALLY blew my mind!!! I read on his website that he is not only a hypnotherapist but a  psychic Medium. Which is so weird, because I just starting to watch "Long Island Medium" with Teresa Caputo! I just got a reading from Garry that really got me in believe in Mediumship. I used to think there's no way possible for something like this to be true or to happen. I again sat patiently wondering how this was going to turn out.

After school, Garry was able to sit with me and he said that he was "aware of" 2 men, he stated one had cancer and some type of issues with his stomach, had chemo, something about having breathing problems and one was in his late 50's and one in his late 70's  when they passed. I thought one was my Uncle and the second was my Cousin, my Uncle was in the 80's and my Cousin was 60 when he died. Although my cousin was not my uncle's son, he was his nephew, but my Uncle raised him as his son. I told Garry that it all made sense to me and who they were. Garry said that my Uncle stated he also had eye issues which was definitely my Uncle 'cause he did have glaucoma. Garry told that he was feeling his right arm was weak and shaky and that my Uncle said he had all his faculties back which was so wonderful to hear because he had a stroke 26 years ago during a surgery which caused damage on his right side and he had a brace on his leg and walked with a cane. As Garry was communicating with them he said these men were on my Mom's side of the family and they were!

Garry said the younger one had chemo to treat a cancer and that again I was able to take as my Cousin who had colon cancer. He was receiving chemo for a long time period! I was amazed that they were there. I never had a reading before and I couldn't believe it. At one point Garry said that the both of them were talking to him at the same time and I was taking one piece for one and a different piece of information for the other.  So, Garry stopped and asked them to separate and talk to him "one at a time"! The amazing thing was that when they were alive, they were always together just like that! Even finishing each other's sentences! So it made perfect sense to me that he had problems separating him, we ALL did, always!

When they separated, my uncle came through stronger, telling Garry of his concerns about his son having health issues.  He told Garry that he was concerned about his Diabetes. I couldn't understand that because as far as I knew my cousin didn't have diabetes although he was always heavy.  He also said to tell my cousin (his son) to "Get off his ass and get movin'". I laughed so hard, and told Garry that was the way he would always get his point across to my cousin, in just that loud way, Garry even had his tone of voice, Amazing! Garry said that my Uncle had 2 children; 1 male and 1 female and 2 grandchildren, also 1 male and 1 female. Amazing! Right again! How does he know this?? Garry couldn't understand the name he was trying to get across; he said it sounded like "Hel" something. Helen was my Uncle's sister name, my Mom, his sister Helen... OMG!!! Then if all that wasn't enough, Garry said that he has a third man coming thru who wanted me to know that he was doing well, was happy and at rest. Garry had communicated with my father before and said it was him and that he; my dad wanted my Uncle and Cousin to come through, because he knew I would love to hear from them... Isn't that crazy?!

Now these 3 men, My Uncle, Cousin and Dad, loved to have a fun time, sing, play cards and play out to make people laugh they were always a hit at any party. Garry also mentioned about their passing being close to each other. He stated 3 years and that's exactly what it was. My Dad was a different time but mainly the two that came through first, passed within a year of each other, 3 years ago!

So after the session was over I was like wow the 2 people I would never have thought would come thru to me, did. My Uncle who was also my Godfather was always there for me no matter what and was like a dad for me after my Dad passed away. I left with such a nice warm feeling to know they were ok and that they were still together.

When I got home and I just couldn't wait to call my Cousin's wife and tell her what I just heard. I knew she would love to talk to me about my experience, as she always wondered if she would get the chance to go to a medium. I asked her if my cousin had diabetes.  At first she asked how I knew about the diabetes, that no one in the family knew that he was recently diagnosed but yes that he's got diabetes and he does have weight issues and that they were looking into joining a gym because they felt that he needed to take care of his health. When I told her that that's what was told to me by my Uncle, her father-in-law, thru Garry she was totally amazed. Then she validated that my Uncle was always on her husband's case that he needed to get up and about. She told me that my Uncle said to his son you need to get "Off your ass" and do something and that is exactly what Garry said to me. I said to her that that's the way he used to talk! My cousin's wife totally agreed "Yep that's exactly what he would say and my husband!" When I told her about how Garry stated that my Uncle was up and about moving around that he has everything back and that he's happy, well she couldn't get over it. She couldn't wait to tell this to her husband and that she will let me know what he says.

The next day, Garry came into my office to see me about something and we of course started to talk about Mediumship. As we were discussing it, he went to give me an example of how it works with a name and he used the name "Gertrude" as an example, just throwing it out there. I looked at him and said, "Garry what made you say that name out of all the names that are out there?!! Garry said that Gertrude just popped in his head. Well, Gertrude was my Uncle's daughter! He was still here! Another OMG!! Because he is a teacher, he loves to explain how "it" works. For whatever reason he was using cars as an example of how he connects with spirits and brought up a 55 Plymouth Belvidere!, as another example. I almost fell out of my chair! I said "Garry, NOW...WHAT MADE YOU SAY A PLYMOUTH BELVIDERE, out of all the cars that have ever been made?" and he said that someone just told him to say it, why? I said cause that's the car my Dad had and it was his treasure! He took such good care of it! He cleaned it to the Max. Then Garry proceeded to tell me what the inside of the car looked like and he was exactly right! He proved to me that my Dad is STILL with me even after all these years.  It just blew me away.  It's just amazing how something like this happens.

I'm so looking forward to another session with Garry. I have my Cousin's wife coming to a workshop , she stated "Garry hit everything you said right on the head; like straight out of my Uncle's mouth to you/us" I couldn't agree anymore.

Garry thanks for what I learned from all this and I'm so looking forward to what can be told to me by them again. Hopefully, the next time the women will come through. Garry, it's amazing how the people in our lives come back in ways we could never think of.

Carole

HYPNOTHERAPY - A SERVICE BUSINESS

Hypnotherapy is a service business.
By that I mean, hypnotherapists, just like any other practitioner of a business,
offers their services for a fee.

If your faucet breaks you call a plumber, he comes to your home and using his expertise,
experience and inventory, in the form of a new faucet, he repairs your sink
and in doing so, your problem.
You pay him and if you are satisfied with his work,
you would call him back for additional work if needed.

If you are in need of a hairstyle, you find a barber or a hairstylist
that follows your directions; has the skills you require
and if they do an exceptional job,
along with the tip and their fee for their service,
you will go back to that practitioner again and again.
If you truly like their work; if you find that no one else can offer you the service that
that hairstylist can and they are better than any other stylist you have ever used,
you will travel miles to where that stylist works.

If you feel the muscles in your back become tight,
you may find yourself needing the services of a chiropractor or massage therapist.
You may find their services extremely helpful and should the pain come back,
because you were happy with the work they had done on your back,
you would return to them for additional services.

All these services rely on repeated business for their success and that just makes sense.
Whether we are talking about plumbers, hairstylists, chiropractors,
massage therapists or doctors, lawyers or any other practitioner offering a fee-for-service
each one wants your repeated business.

All service industries are based on this simple fact.
For their business to survive they must satisfy the needs of their customers
and if they truly satisfied the needs of their clients,
they will be rewarded with repeat business,
so that their businesses will grow and they can continue
to offer their services to old and new clients alike.

Now none of the above should be surprising to you.
It does make complete sense that if you are running a business
you want your customers to continue to return.
So if I tell you this is true of all businesses, except HYPNOTHERAPY,
you may question me.

Why, you may ask do I say that?
The reason may not be as simple as what I’ve stated previously.
Using hypnosis as a therapeutic tool, to assist people with behavioral change,
is referred to as hypnotherapy.

Hypnotherapy has been used for centuries,
although the practice may not have been called “hypnotherapy”,
the procedure of using hypnosis to facilitate a positive change
in behavior with a client, called by any other name would be the same.

In an ideal situation the client would come to a hypnotherapist,
asking for assistance in changing an unwanted behavior
and after that very first session, leave the office
thrilled that that unwanted behavior no longer is troubling them.

Which brings us back to what I had said previously,
that hypnotherapy is different than other service businesses.
Whereas other service businesses seek out repeated business for exceptional service,
hypnotherapy by its nature eliminates repeated business,
by offering exceptional service.

A skilled hypnotherapist, who is dedicated to helping his clients,
should not see that person again,
because the initial problem that was presented
had been resolved completely in only one session.

I have been using hypnosis along with other therapeutic modalities
to help people change unwanted behaviors, for the past 13 years.
In that time I have noticed, that although my referral rate is high,
my repeat business (for the same issue) is very low.
What this means is, in my opinion, that people coming to me for my services,
which include smoking cessation, weight management, anger management,
sports academic and artistic performance, eliminating fears and phobias, etc.,
find that after only one or two sessions, the problem they came to change
or eliminate had been satisfactorily handled
and that they were satisfied enough to refer me to their friends
with similar issues, but found there was no need to return for continued hypnotherapy.
This is why I say,
that the indication that a hypnotherapist is successful,
is his having a smaller repeat business and a greater referral rate.

I have to smile, when new clients ask me for my success rate.
What I say to them is that if a hypnotherapist claims to have a high success rate,
I should question how that success rate is determined and
how the statistical evidence was gathered.

When I first speak with a prospective client who asks me about smoking cessation,
for example, and asks for my success rate with previous smokers,
I tell them, that it is very difficult to determine an accurate success rate.

In order to have an accurate success rate,
I would have to have follow-up calls,
at one month, six months, one year and five year intervals
and I feel that these calls may be viewed as intrusive
by my clients and so I don’t do them.
I do tell them, that by reviewing the referrals I get from the people
who are no longer smoking due to smoking cessation intervention
and how word-of-mouth referrals are the best advertisement for me,
I could say comfortably, that my success rate is good.

New Years and Eating

I am a big believer in the work of Edgar Cayce.
If you don’t know who he is, please Google him, it will be worth the effort.

Although I am a hypnotherapist, the one area that I could use some help with, is my own weight management.
I tell my clients, “do as I say, not as I do” and like all of us know,
that is the worst thing to say to someone.

I also don’t believe in coincidence, so I received some advise recently from different sources that I want to share with you.

The first came from The A.R.E. (http://www.edgarcayce.org) an organization based on Cayce’s life’s work.

Look over this reading that Cayce gave to a person who had a severe weight issue. You may have to re-read it a few times to see the truth in those words.

Edgar Cayce Reading 911-7

With the arising of rebellious forces . . . the body has assumed the attitude:
"I will break over this time, and the next time I won't.
I will eat this because it pleases me at the present.
I will take this, for I don't want to suffer right now, and next time I won't."
This has been done until self loses such holds on self as to become in a manner the slave to self's own indulgences, in mental, physical and material things!

These conditions, then, require that there be made by self a definite stand to be taken; that is:
"If there is given me a definite program to follow
I will… I will…I will adhere to it,
no matter what I may suffer mentally or physically!
I will trust in the divine forces innate . . .
within my inner self for the strength to endure,
for the ability to say “NO” when I should!"

This next advice I received was from a friend of mine who is in AA.
When talking about the stress in our lives, I laughed and admitted that I deal with my stress by eating.
He said that he had dealt with stress by abusing alcohol, but thankfully no longer
and a simple part of a prayer helped immensely.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to Accept the things I cannot change.

The Courage to change the things I can;

and Wisdom to know the difference.

This short and sweet prayer says it all.

The Third piece of advice came to me by a hypnotherapist and I want to share it with you.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS ANYONE CAN KEEP
By: Ann Catherine Pawelczyk, C.Ht.

How do we help clients make a fresh start in 2009?
By showing them how to make "resolutions" they can keep!
Too often individuals on the path to self-improvement begin the
New Year with high-resolve and even higher standards that for the most part,
are darn near impossible to keep.

With human nature, when we set the bar high for ourselves-
and end up failing, (as we see as professionals in the self-improvement business all the time) -
what we're doing is actually keeping the cycle of negative reinforcement in action.

Negative reinforcement is a sure fire way to avoid reaching goals,
but it's a nasty habit many of us find ourselves holding onto and "unable" to release.

The way to ANY positive, lasting change is to set reasonable standards that are
flexible, and what we need to be flexible is a series of small manageable steps.
(I can hear you groaning already, but please, bear with me!)

Here's the key to lasting positive change:
When we start out small,
whatever changes we want to make have a much better chance of being integrated slowly and permanently into our lifestyles.

This is a concept we need to emphasize with our clients.

Then...we need to share the following with those we work with:
The barrier that keeps us from making changes in a "good" way is the fact we
often think the little steps aren't "enough".
So...we go for the gusto...and fail.

Hey - Rome wasn't built in a day, right?

Practice and Share these no-fail resolutions

• ANYONE can keep & get moving on the good path:
• LOVE yourself more this year than last year;
• FORGIVE yourself for any areas you've been "stuck" in the past;
• Be healthier by focusing on better balance instead of frequent fad DIETS;
• Be more ACTIVE by doing fun things out-of-doors and bond with nature;
• Re-member or discover something you love to DO;
• Create daily affirmations and USE them to reshape your mindset;
• Work to TRANSFORM one area of life from now through December;
• Instead of seeing what's "wrong" with your life, focus on what's RIGHT;
• VOLUNTEER your time to good causes;
• SAVE as little as $5 per week and reserve it only for something fun;
• Make it a point to GET TOGETHER with friends or family one night a month;
• Clear the CLUTTER and go one space at a time;
• Take each DAY as it comes;
• LAUGH more, LOVE more, and make it a point to complain LESS.
  
  The more realistic we make goals, the easier it is to obtain success,
  which IS the positive reinforcement that enables us to achieve.
  Try something new this year with yourself and with clients:
  
  Make a list of 5 things you'd like to improve this year in order of importance.
  Once you have your list,
  break each individual thing down into the smallest possible steps
  and get started.
  Enjoy your success!
  

Remember - action follows thought so be sure to keep your thoughts positive for an unimaginably great outcome in any area!

Unfortunately, we all become experts in making New Year’s Resolutions
that are the same year after year.

Let’s try looking at them in a new way, so that we have brand new – New Year Resolutions
next year, with the feeling of success for those we set for ourselves this year.

Jack and Anger Management - Part 3

Synopsis,
In my posting titled “Anger Management and the Adolescent Child” http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2008/08/anger-management-article.html
I introduced you to Jack. A fourteen year old adopted young man with many emotional problems, not the least of which, was the inability to management his anger.
In “Jack and Anger Management- Part 2” I described our last two sessions and my concern that I was not finding much success in trying to show Jack a better way to control his anger.
In this, the third posting, I describe how I changed my approach to help Jack in controlling his anger and why I went from directing him to accept his anger to using forgiveness to allow him to control and hopefully eliminate his anger.
I describe how, psychically I gained insight into what to do in Jack’s session.
I also found a new appreciation for the power of forgiveness.

From Part 2;

"… Jack looked up and nodded in agreement, in a way that I knew,
he agreed with my assessment of the situation.
I continued,
“Jack… Do you think that your mother would ever reject you?
Now don’t answer right away…
think about it…”
Without a second’s hesitation, he looked up at me,
then to Diane, shaking his head, saying strongly…
“NO! She wouldn’t”
“Your father?” I asked.
This time he hesitated a second, mulled over the question,
took a deep breath and said truthfully and definitively…
“No, he wouldn’t reject me either.”
“Do you absolutely believe that?” I asked
“You are not just saying that… It is what you truly believe?
Your parents WOULD NOT… EVER REJECT YOU?... Right?”
He quietly nodded “yes”
“If you believe that, then, do you know how much it hurt these two people”
referring to his parents “to hear those words from your mouth?”
As he looked up at them, tears were starting to form in his eyes
(along with his father’s, his mother’s and mine)"

“Jack and Anger Management – Part 3

I decided at that point,
I had to change the direction I was taking with Jack’s therapy.
But, how was I going to be able to get through to this young man?
How was I going to get him to understand and believe
that more than accepting his anger, he needed to get past his anger?
If he allowed his anger to fester like an infection of the soul,
he would never know true happiness.

He now has the opportunity with his adoptive parents, who love him,
accept him unconditionally and will never reject him,
to know what the love of a real family is.
His anger was blocking him from growing.

If he was unable to get past his anger at the world,
I knew he would be stuck in this angry stage for his entire life.
Unfortunately, we all know people like that;
angry at the world for pain suffered in their youth.
These people may never know happiness and
I would hate to see Jack turn into one of those sad and angry men.

As I have told you in many other postings,
being a psychic/medium has a lot of advantages.

When I communicate with spirit,
I don’t ask who is communicating with me;
I just appreciate the connection and listen to it.
It doesn’t matter if the information that is coming to me
is from a father in spirit that wants to help his child
or a spirit guide that needs to redirect their “student” in the physical world
or if it is my “Hypnotherapist Guide”,
who I ask for help from constantly and who has never failed me;
when I get information from that part of my mind I accept it unconditionally.

So when I knew I was in for a complex and complicated hypnotherapy session
with Jack and his family,
I asked my Hypnotherapist “Spirit” Guide,
to give me a little help with this one… and, as usual, he came through.

As Jack and I went into my room where I do the actual hypnotherapy sessions,
I felt Jack’s pain and frustration
caused by his inability to control that irrational angry part of him.
He sat in the recliner as he had so many times before.
He has become one of those perfect hypnotic subjects,
and went quickly, almost instantly, into “Somnambulism”
(the most productive state of hypnosis that you can be in).
As I usually do, I helped Jack go deeper into hypnosis
by putting on some new age-y type music.

I said to myself
“OK, now how are you going to proceed?”

When I felt a chill, up and down my arms;
to me that is the unmistakable feeling of contact with a spirit.

If I were doing a psychic/medium session,
I would have expected this feeling and would ask this spirit to come closer
so I could get validations and messages.
But this connection was unexpected and
Jack was absolutely not interested in any messages from dead people
from his past that he would probably be angry with anyway!

Also I was getting a different “vibe” from this spirit,
it was not connecting with Jack,
it was connecting with me, giving me messages;
messages of how to get through to Jack.
I had been questioning to myself,
as to how I was going to facilitate this change in his perception
from being the perpetual victim;
always the one being abandoned;
always feeling rejection, even when there was no rejection,
to a person who could forgive, and get on with his life.

“Change his perceptions and you change his view of his life”,
I wasn’t sure where that came from.
A cynic would say it came simply from
my experience as a hypnotherapist and from working with Jack,
but I felt differently.
Perhaps a spirit from his family did give me insight;
perhaps my Hypnotherapist Guide…
But who gave me that insight was totally unimportant,
the message and insight they gave me was!

“Change his perceptions and you change his view of his life!”

OK I got it… thanks, whoever you are.

At the same instant, a thought came to me that if his mother had kept him,
he would have never known this loving couple who truly are “his parents”.
I realized (or was shown) that if his birth mother had kept him,
with what little we know about her,
his life could have been considerably worse;
possibly eating out of trash containers,
living on the street,
being subjected to drug users or worse.

My feelings towards this young mother instantly changed.
Instead of anger towards her for abandoning her son,
I felt an overwhelming feeling of sympathy and sadness for her.

Instead of the cold hearted, drug addicted tramp, who abandoned her child,
coldly walking away from him,

I saw her as a young girl,
in over her head, in a life that she could not deal with herself,
not to mention trying to raise a child.
Her decision to give Jack up for adoption was not a selfish decision;
it was a heart-wrenchingly difficult decision that took three years to make.

Once she realized that for Jack’s own good,
for his health,
for his future, which she could not provide for him,
the decision to give him up was the only one she had.

And it was harder for her than Jack could have ever imagined.

She did not abandon him; she gave her precious son away for his own good although she cries herself to sleep even now!

If in my eyes, I could make a shift like that, what would happen to Jack’s attitude,
if he no longer looked at himself as a victim, abandoned by everyone who was supposed to be there for him?

If I could help Jack fundamentally change his self image and his view of the people in his life, there wouldn’t be a need to control his anger, there would not be this overwhelming irrational anger there to control!

The anger may just be gone with this change of perception.

If he could only accept that he was loved and cherished and given away because his mother was convinced that it was the only choice she had and she had agonized over the decision for three years, he might just forgive her.

And if he could forgive his birth mother, would he be able to forgive the rest?

If the first family that adopted Jack, only to send him back to foster care, had kept him, he would have grown up in a family that could or would not have shown him the attention, love and caring he needed.
If that first adoptive couple had “kept” him, he never would have met and been adopted by this loving and supportive couple who became his REAL parents.

That first adoptive family, in fact, like his mother knew he would be better without them.
If he could see that first couple for the realists that they were instead of the selfish self-centered people he had viewed them as, forgiveness would be possible there too.

The plan came to me in a second;
I knew exactly how to proceed.
I thanked my hypnosis guide and continued.

Jack was already in a very deep state of hypnosis.
At this point, he is so good at going into the “altered state”, as we call it,
I simply say, “Ready?”
he nods,
I say “SLEEP!”
and he is there, in deep hypnosis.
I take no credit for it, I don’t think of what a great hypnotist I am, I simply acknowledge that the more often you hypnotize someone, the easier it is to hypnotize them again.

The session worked great.
I asked his angry part to come out and speak with me, which it did often and easily.

His Angry part stated that although he knew he was wrong in saying those hurtful things to his father and it was sorry for saying them, it cannot apologize and can’t forgive.

I asked his Angry part why he can’t forgive and it said
“No one loves Jack, they all reject him, if he forgives, he’ll only be hurt again, they don’t care about anyone except themselves…”

I asked him to go back to the time he was three, his mother had him by the hand and walked him to the door of the foster care facility.
He agreed and as he sat visualizing the scene, I saw he was getting angrier.

I asked him to look at his birth mother and describe her.
“She’s angry,
she’s ugly,
she has hard eyes,
she is pulling me by my arm,
she shakes me and says to stay,
she rings the bell,
the door opens,
she turns away,
she doesn’t say goodbye,
she doesn’t kiss me,
she turns,
she walks away…
I never see her again”
All this said with an undertone of anger, teeth clenched his brow deeply furrowed.

After some relaxation techniques, I asked him to picture what happened from a different angle… From his mother’s angle…
he was initially resistant.
I explained that there are two sides to every story and this may be his mother’s version…

“She is crying,
she has tried for three years to provide for her son,
she lost her job,
she is going to lose her apartment,
she has no husband to help her,
decisions she made in her life were very wrong
but she knows that is not Jack’s fault, she realizes he didn’t ask to be born,
she takes responsibility,
she finally realizes that she cannot keep Jack and she goes to the foster care agency.

She walks to the house and can’t look at Jack,
her heart is breaking,
she doesn’t want Jack to see her cry so she turns her head away from him,
Jack is three…
a baby…
he doesn’t know what is going on…
She rings the bell,
her hands are shaking,
she considers picking up her baby and running, but to where?
The door opens,
she turns and takes a step away,
her heart feels so heavy she thinks she is going to die and she walks away,
she turns the corner,
her legs give way,
she falls to the ground,

she cries until there are no more tears left to shed…

This process is called “Reframing” where you actually change the perception of the memory.
It doesn’t change history, he was put up for adoption and he was adopted and then returned, he was rejected, but now his view of the villains in these memories changed.

No longer villains, they were victims also.
I found a new appreciation for reframing a person’s perceptions.
I also found a new appreciation for the power of forgiveness.

After the session was over, he seemed like a different boy.
He was smiling and happy.
His parents, who had just seen their son angry and hostile, were surprised to see him in such a happy mood so quickly.

I don't know what will happen with Jack.
I hope that between his loving family, his intelligence, his emotional growth, and continued counseling, he will learn how to forgive and to trust people again.
I do know that it has been a learning and growing experience not just for Jack and his family, but for me also.
It has also been an experience that I will remember and cherish;
being part of the evolution of this young man’s life.
After all, that is why we are all here on this planet...
to learn and grow.

Jack and Anger Management - Part 2

Synopsis,
This posting is a follow-up to a previous article titled “Anger Management and the Adolescent Child”.
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2008/08/anger-management-article.html
In this, Part 2, I review what has happened since Jack’s initial sessions and the two most recent sessions. I describe why I realized I had to change my approach to help Jack with his anger management issues. In Part 3, I describe how I went from directing him to accept his anger to using forgiveness to allow him to control and hopefully eliminate his anger.

In my posting titled “Anger Management and the Adolescent Child”
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2008/08/anger-management-article.html
I introduced you to Jack. A fourteen and a half year old, adopted young man with many emotional problems, not the least was the inability to manage his anger.
I have seen Jack ten times since then and he is now almost 16 (“15 and ¾” according to Jack).

His anger has continued to cause major complications and problems in his life, his parent’s lives and the lives of those around him.

Our last session was in late October 2009, when we had what I feel was a major breakthrough.
I made a decision to change the direction I was taking with Jack in his attempt to understand, accept and control his anger. This decision to change my approach with Jack actually started in late August, when I received an email from his mother and I knew without speaking on the phone, that Jack and his parents were having a very bad time.

I scheduled our session for mid September 2009, right after the start of the 2009/10 school year. At that session, I found out the Jack had been having many uncontrollable fits of rage.

His mother, Diane told me on the phone, that while on vacation in August to the Grand Canyon, with the family, he had a meltdown; cursing, screaming and was totally out of control.
Jack’s parents did not know what triggered the explosion.
“One minute he was fine, not talking a lot, but fine. When Peter (Jack’s father) said that he couldn’t buy a trinket, he blew up! We had no clue it was going to happen. One minute everything was fine and the next there was complete bedlam.” After calming down, Jack realized that he was wrong, but realized that he was totally unable to control his anger and he asked Diane to set up an appointment with me.

She also relayed a recent incident that happened at school, which ended with EMS being called to transport Jack to the hospital for observation. At the school and in the hospital, he was totally non-communicative. He would later tell us at that session that it was his attempt to control himself so he wouldn’t explode again. His method to control the anger from erupting was to totally shut off, saying that if he had said anything, he knew he would again lose control and once again explode. He was showing control in the attempt, but I needed to show him another way of controlling his anger, but I was running out of ideas.

Our appointment was on a Monday and when Jack, Diane and Peter came into my office, Jack seemed very upset, biting his lip, very sullen, referring to his parents as “he” and “she”. His parents described what had happened the day before. The argument had gotten so loud and out of control, that Jack said it got physical, describing how his mother grabbed him around his throat.

After a discussion involving how there are two sides to every story or argument, I got most of the facts needed and unfortunately, I saw a side of Jack that I had never seen before and it really concerned me.

This was another fight over Jack hearing the word “NO”, but it went entirely out of control. His father who told him that he couldn’t do something (what the something was, in fact, was unimportant) and Jack again exploded. Throwing things yelling at his father and culminating with Jack screaming at both parents…

“You are not my parents and never will be!” as he stormed away from them.

Diane explained that, that is when she physically restrained him, in order to calm the situation down.

In our past sessions, I felt that if he was conflicted by his anger, he needed to accept his anger in order to control it. Now he was accepting his anger so well, he was using it as a weapon to hurt the two people in the world who had proven to him that they would never reject him.

And now he was rejecting them!

I realized that the direction I was taking with Jack; specifically the acceptance of his anger did him a disservice.
I knew that if we could help him eliminate the anger, there would be no need to control it.

Eliminating anger is always preferable to simply controlling it, but again… how?

I knew that he had to accept the pain of growing up and that what was done, was done.
There was no changing history and the only way he would be able to get on with his life was to forgive everyone who hurt him.

I knew that without finding that forgiveness for all the people in his life who had betrayed him, any time he felt the least bit of understandable or justified anger, he would explode, automatically releasing all the pent up pain, rejection, anger and fury inappropriately at everyone near him.

The two people who warranted that release of anger the least and who unfortunately received it the most were his parents.

“Did that happen?” I asked Jack, “Did you really say that your parents?”
He simply said, “Yes…” with no eye contact.

I knew he was apologetic and wondered if his parents heard a real apology;
not just a gratuitous, “sorry…”

I continued, “Do you really feel that way? That they aren’t your parents and never will be?”
He again simply shook his head, no and again with no eye contact.
His sadness was palpable.

“Jack” I said, “Sometimes when you explode, you don’t think clearly and you can say things, really hurtful things, like what you said to your Mom and Dad, but you don’t mean them.
When these things are said, you want to take them back, but feel that it’s too late. So you want to apologize but you feel you can’t. Do you know what I’m saying?”

He looked up and nodded in agreement, in a way that I knew, he agreed with my assessment of the situation.

I continued, “Jack… Do you think that your mother would ever reject you? Now don’t answer right away… think about it…”

Without a second’s hesitation, he looked up at me, then to Diane, shaking his head, saying strongly… “NO!, she wouldn’t”

“Your father?” I asked. This time he hesitated a second, mulled over the question, took a deep breath and said truthfully and definitively… “No, he wouldn’t reject me either.”

“Do you absolutely believe that?” I asked
“You are not just saying that… It is what you truly believe?
Your parents WOULD NOT… EVER REJECT YOU?... Right?” He quietly nodded “yes”

“If you believe that, then, do you know how much it hurt these two people” referring to his parents" to hear those words from your mouth?”

As he looked up at them, tears were starting to form in his eyes (along with his father’s, his mother’s and mine).

The next posting will be next week and will conclude this 3 part Posting, reviewing the change in the way I used hypnotic intervention in Jack’s situation.

Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle Part 2

Synopsis,
In Part 2 of this posting, I describe our hypnosis session and what was uncovered. Three days after our session, I spoke with Michelle’s mother who described the effects of our session. I offer my evaluation and comments on this hypnotic intervention.

Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle Part 2

Michelle felt comfortable having her mother present during the session,
so the three of us moved from the waiting room in the front of my office
to my office to the back,
where Michelle sat on my recliner and her mother sat on a chair in the doorway.

The session began with new age type music;
Steven Halpern’s “Higher Ground”,
playing in the background.

I used a standard hypnotic “induction” called progressive relaxation and when Michelle allowed herself to relax and go into “the altered state” of hypnosis, I deepened her trance state by bringing her to a very safe place.

Michelle was a great hypnotic subject.
In a comparison to the general public,
regarding the ability to go deeply into hypnosis,
she is probably in the top 10 percent,
going very quickly, easily and deeply into “Somnambulism” (the most effective state of hypnosis).

When I work with a new client,
I must plan the session I will use with them, as we are talking.
The “small talk” is very important for me because I get insight to decide which hypnotic techniques from the hundreds available, is right for my client.

In talking with Michelle and her mother,
I decided that a combination of three techniques,
which I have used before, in cases like Michelle’s,
would probably work very effectively.

My plan for Michelle was to use
-“Parts Therapy” to identify the claustrophobic part of Michelle that was so fearful of elevators and once that part is found,
I would use;
-“Regression Therapy” to go back in time to the very first time this fearful part was formed.
This “First time” experience is known as the “ISE” The Initial Sensitizing Event and sets the foundation for the fear to grow;
and finally
-“Gestalt Therapy” to change her perception of the fear itself,
in order to eliminate the fear completely and permanently.

After Michelle was in a deep hypnotic state, I had her seek out that claustrophobic part of her subconscious (Parts Therapy).

When that part was found, we worked together to get in touch with how Michelle physically felt when in an elevator.
We followed that feeling to earlier and earlier times in her life
(Regression Therapy), until we found the ISE.

Her ISE was when she was four years old in Disneyworld.
She recalled being in her father’s arms as they were entering an elevator.
He reacted to the thought of being in an elevator with a powerful panic attack, running out of the elevator.

She realized that that was why she became claustrophobic.
Her father, who was her protector, demonstrated that there is something to desperately fear when in an elevator.

She was shown, exactly how and why this fear was accepted by her four year old self (Gestalt Therapy)
and with a little more insight,
she realized that the fear was not truly hers,
but an adopted fear that was no longer necessary.

Her hypnosis session went absolutely perfectly!

When the session was over, Mary said that she remembered the elevator experience but never realized that it was that experience that caused Michelle’s fear.

Michelle said that although she now remembers the experience, the memory had been repressed.

We went back out to my waiting room to discuss the session in greater detail.

I wanted to know what concerns Michelle still had.

For people who have just experienced hypnotic intervention for the relief of a phobia, the greatest concern is the “What-If’s”.
Specifically, What if it didn’t work?

When I brought up the “What-if” concern, both Mary and Michelle said that that was their largest concern.

My response to the What-if’s, is that she must challenge herself.

My suggestion was to go directly to the Rockaway Mall and go into every elevator in the place.

Challenging herself to gain back the control that she had lost.
To challenge herself to gain control and not let the fear control her any longer.

When they left my office, I felt absolutely confident that Michelle was going to be fear free and would gain control back in her life.

Three day later, I received a call from Mary.
“Garry, I have to tell you…”

Her tone of voice concerned me, quiet and serious.

“Damn” I thought,
her tone of voice sounds as if the fear that Michelle had was still present.
I was truly surprised.
Michelle’s session was picture perfect.
I would not have changed a single thing about the session; it was that perfect!
So why did I get the feeling that I was going to hear some bad news about the results of our session?

I was overreacting and wrong…

“I can’t express to you the results of your session with Michelle”
Mary started,
“Except to say, Thank you so, so much!”

I felt as if a weight was removed from my shoulders!
I was relieved, happy and curious as to how they knew so quickly that the phobia was gone.

“As you suggested, when we left you we went straight to the Rockaway Mall.
We went into every single elevator there and guess what?...
Not only did she have no fear at all,
but she was actually laughing in the elevator.”

When someone with fears similar to Michelle’s,
has had a lifelong phobia and gains their control back,
it is not uncommon for them to laugh
when they are in a situation that would have caused a phobic attack.

Laughter is the indication that they are aware of the fact that they are no longer controlled by their fear.
The laughter is the release they feel when the fear is replaced by a sense of control.

I always appreciate feedback from my clients. Some email me and I am thrilled to post their comments on my website.

When I heard how good Michelle was doing, I felt thankful that I was able to help a young person eliminate a fear that had been ruining her life and had brought her such heartache.

Even though it was Michelle who obviously gained the most from our session, each and every session I have, where I can contribute to someone’s happiness, I also gain.
I am thankful for that opportunity to participate in a situation where there is mutual joy and closure.

If you are interested to learn more about fears and phobias, look at my 3 part article “PHOBIAS A to Z”

http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2009_04_01_archive.html

http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2009/05/phobias-from-to-z-part-2.html

http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/2009/05/phobias-from-to-z-part-3.html

Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle- Part 1

Synopsis;
This 2 part entry is about Michelle (not her real name) a 19 year old High School graduate who is going to be attending college in the fall of 2009. She has claustrophobia which manifests specifically in a fear of elevators and enclosed spaces. In Part 1, I describe in general, my experience with working with people who have phobias; getting a call from Michelle’s mother; my first impressions and the specific plan I decided to use to help Michelle eliminate this phobia and be able to fearlessly get on with her life.


Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle Part 1

The elimination of fears may be one of my most favorite hypnosis sessions.
I do believe there is no other type of intervention that has such a powerful and immediately positive result as hypnotic intervention for the purpose of eliminating a phobia.

When people come to my office for the elimination of fears or phobias, it is as if they are sitting there in the waiting room, with a dark cloud over their head. Phobic people are consumed with their particular phobia.
If they are not currently in the midst of a phobic attack, which can manifest from a mild discomfort to a full blown panic attack, they are constantly dreading and anticipating the emergence of the symptoms.

Very often fears or phobias take on a life of their own;
compounding, strengthening and sucking the joy from the person’s life.
Often the phobic person’s fear has been ruining their lives for as long as they can remember.

There are many different types and causes of phobias (see my blog posting “Phobias from A to Z”)
http://hyp4lifellc.blogspot.com/search/label/Phobias

There are also many commonalities between people with phobias.
-These fears are very often lifelong fears.
-They tend to become stronger over the years and manifest in other areas in the person’s life.
-The victim of a phobia feels hopeless and helpless against their fear.
-They feel alone in their fear; that no one truly can understand how the fear affects them.
-That no one takes their fear seriously; saying thing like, “just deal with it” or “Get over it, you’re such a wimp!”
-Often their self respect is negatively affected and they feel weak and helpless against it.
-The phobia itself becomes a tangible entity always present, ready to pounce and steal away what little joy the victim has left.

But, perhaps the most common and debilitating commonality is the “Tag Team” of “Anticipatory Anxiety” and the “Self-Fulfilling Prophesy”.
I call them a tag team because that is how they work; in tandem.
Anticipating the phobia, sets the stage for it to happen and unfortunately it almost always comes true.

Michelle’s mother Mary (not her real name) called me with many concerns for her daughter.
Mary said that Michelle would be attending college in the fall of 2009 and there were elevators in the dorm.
When Michelle saw them her phobias went into high gear.
Mary also told me that Michelle had been coping with the fear of elevators and enclosed places, by avoiding them.
She had sought therapy, but it didn’t help and she was curious if hypnosis could help her daughter.
We made an appointment for the following week.

In the office, my first impression was that Michelle was an attractive eighteen year old who reminded me of my daughter, when she was a senior in the same high school.

As I normally do, I began the session with introductions and a brief biography about how I became involved with hypnosis; how hypnosis works; the conscious and sub-conscious mind; etc.
The reason for this small talk in the beginning is for many and specific reasons.
It allows people to get comfortable with me and it allows me to decide on which of the hundreds of hypnotic interventions available for me to use, is right for my client.
I allow extra time for what may seem to be “small talk” but in fact it is critical, so everyone is calm and relaxed, before we begin the hypnotherapeutic part of the session.

I observed that Michelle was a bit nervous, which is very common and normal, but there was more.
She wanted it to work so badly and wanted to get right to the hypnosis.
Some people, who come to see me for the first time, may be a bit nervous and want to talk before the hypnosis session begins.
Michelle seemed distracted and I sensed that she did not want to talk at all. My sense was that she wanted to get right on with the hypnosis; small talk was unnecessary.

I asked her if my hunch was correct…
that she was OK with hypnosis,
that she felt and hoped it would work and that she just wanted to do it and hopefully she would be “cured” of this fear that has taken the joy from her life.

After explaining that I needed to know some more information from her, she relaxed and became less anxious to begin. I told her that we could get started as soon as I had all the information I needed.

Michelle relayed to me how the fear ruined her life;
How she had an opportunity to see the taping of the Tyra Banks TV show
and as soon as she saw the elevator she couldn’t go in the building,
causing annoyance to her friends and fear, embarrassment and frustration to Michelle;
how her boyfriend is losing patience with having to adjust his social life to accommodate her fears,
along with a few more situations when her life was negatively impacted by her fear.

I then asked her if she always had this fear and if anyone else in the family had similar phobias. She said that her fear was present for as long as she could remember and Mary offered the (important) fact that Michelle’s father and she had similar phobias. With a half smile, Mary suggested that perhaps “Michelle got it from us”, meaning her parents.

I explained to them both that phobias are not genetic or hereditary; they are environmentally started.

I felt that the fear started with a panic attack her father or mother experienced when Michelle was little and the fear imprinted in the subconscious of Michelle’s young mind.

I described to both Mary and Michelle, what I planned to do.
Under hypnosis, I would have Michelle enter “The Hallway of Her Mind”,
seeking the “Part” of her that is frightened of enclosed places like elevators.
Once we allow the memory to come out of the sub-conscious,
I can then do a process called “Reframing”
where I actually change the way Michelle felt about the memory.

The important thing to remember is that we do not eliminate the memory…
we can’t.
But we can change the way the person feels about the memory and thus, eliminating the fear associated with the thing that is frightening them so badly.


In the next posting
“Claustrophobia, Elevators, Hypnosis and Michelle Part 2”,
I will describe how the hypnosis session went and what was uncovered.
Three days after our session,
I spoke with Michelle’s mother who described the results and my evaluation and comments on this hypnotic intervention.

PHOBIAS from A to Z - Part 3

Synopsis;
In this, the third posting on Phobias, I write about how hypnosis can help with the removal of phobias; the hypnotic method I use to control and eliminate phobias and a case study of a client who had a lifelong fear of the water but no longer has Hydrophobia - Fear of water.

How hypnosis helps

There are many “tools” a hypnotherapist has at his disposal. I tend to combine different tools to make the most effective therapy for each client.

No two people are the same, so through combining different proven therapies and techniques, I offer each client an individualized plan of action; this is at the core of “Transpersonal Hypnotherapy”.

I have found that the most powerful and effective method of eliminating phobias is to combine two different hypnotic techniques; “Parts Therapy” and “Regression Therapy”.

Parts Therapy, is a technique developed in the 1950’s by Charles Tebbetts, a hypnotherapist who found that you can have a dialog with a “Part” of a person’s subconscious.

Regression Therapy is a hypnotic technique used to have a person go back in time to where the fear started.

Combining the two works very effectively to find the memory that caused the phobia and then with other therapies, eliminate the fear and give back control to the person.

Under hypnosis, a person with a phobia is directed to a comfortable place and given the suggestion that they are safe and have survived whatever caused the fear.

Once I determine the source of the phobia and more importantly the person remembers what had been a repressed memory, the power and fear the memory had had is greatly diminished.

Case Study on Hydrophobia - Sue

This is a case study of a young woman who was able to overcome her lifelong fear of the water with one hypnosis session.

Sue (not her real name) called, asking about the effectiveness of hypnosis for stopping a phobia of water. She described her fear as “not afraid of showers, but I never take a bath!” Her voice shook as she even mentioned a bath.

She continued describing how she never goes in a pool or the beach, that she can’t swim and was deathly afraid of being on a boat.

We made an appointment for the following Monday. It would be our first and only session.

At the beginning of her session, she relayed how the phobia was being controlled by avoiding the places where she would be around water.

“I have been able to deal really well with the fear, I just don’t go in a pool, a lake, the beach or the ocean. I take showers instead of a bath. I never put myself in a situation when I would take a cruise or be on the water. So I felt that I didn’t need any help, I dealt with the fear by avoiding water and I was fine. But I now have a major problem and it will ruin my life if I can’t fix it.”

She relayed to me that she is a single mother of a nine year old boy.
She is engaged to a wonderful man who loves her and her son.
Her fiancée wants to marry her and adopt her son.

She described a perfect relationship and then informed me of the majorly huge hurdle in her life.

“He has a house on Lake Hopatcong, with a dock and a speed boat” she said as if telling me he had a terminal disease.

“He loves his boat! He is on the lake every weekend and all summer long!
His friends, who I love, all have boats!
Our whole social life is on the water!
My son loves being there with him and he wants me to go out so badly, but as soon as I step foot on the dock, I start to shake!
Once he actually had to carry me off the dock!
PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME!”

I told her that hypnosis can help.

Fortunately, she was an excellent hypnotic subject, who went almost immediately into a very deep state of hypnosis.
As I described earlier, I brought out her “fearful part” and had that part of her “Regress” - go back in time to the very first time she was aware of her hydrophobia.

Without going into great detail, I had her go to a time when she wasn’t afraid of water and then “Progressed” her to a time when she was fearful.

As I observed her, a memory reflected through the expression on her face.

“I was 9 years old…” she said in a faint whisper.

“My parents wanted me to learn how to swim, so we went to the lake (Hopatcong) and they hired a lifeguard to teach me…”

“Oh my God, I see it all so clearly…” she said, her eyes closed, yet I could see her eyes moving left and right.

“We went into the water which was up to my neck. The lifeguard held me so I was on my stomach. He told me to breathe when he said I should and he held my face in the water and turned my head up yelling

‘BREATH!...
HOLD!...
BREATH!’

He kept holding my head underwater, pulling me out only when I was choking!...”

Whispering, “I never remembered that until this very moment”, tears streaming down her face.

I then did some hypnotic techniques called “Reframing” where she gained back the control that had been taken from her.

After the session, she thanked me and I told her the only way she will know for sure that she is phobia free is to test herself on the boat. She agreed, with the comment, I'll call you for another appointment if it doesn't work.

That weekend my phone rang and it was Sue, she was on her cell phone.

There was a lot of noise in the background.

“Garry?” she said.

“I wanted to thank you for saving my life!”

I think she was exaggerating, but the feeling you get when you realize a joy-draining phobia is eliminated can make a person exaggerate a little.

“I am calling from the boat!"

"Me and my new family we are on the lake! I can’t believe it… It is so much fun! Thank you so much!”

If you are plagued by a phobia, you don’t have to deal with it, you can eliminate it and realize how much better your life can be phobia-free!

PHOBIAS from A to Z - Part 2

Synopsis; In this, the second posting on Phobias, I write about how the natural process of the primitive part of the brain contributes to the acquisition of phobias; how phobias form; the hypnotic method I use to control and eliminate phobias.

In the last posting “Phobias from A to Z – Part 1”, I describe how the primitive brain effects the “Fight or Flight” instinct.
In the cave man example, you can see how, because it was so necessary to react instantly to perceived threats, the functioning of the primitive brain was essential for survival of the human race.

Keep in mind, that the cause (the killing of a clan member) of the Fight or Flight instinct would be repressed.

The horror of witnessing the killing of a loved one would be blocked from the awareness of the young clan member by their subconscious.

However, the reaction to seeing a jaguar (the symbol of the horror) would result in an immediate, critical and unthinking response.
You may say that the young clan member had a phobia of jaguars.

In modern society, the threat to your survival is much more complex than those of ancient times. Say what you will, the society we live in today is obviously more civil than that of primitive times. The human brain has also advanced, but still, at its’ core is the same primitive brain stem that helped our ancient ancestors to survive and become the modern day human being.

Our subconscious has many functions, not all are yet known to us. It is a protector, a servant, and the storehouse of knowledge, memories, emotions, habits and much more.

Referring again, to the caveman analogy from Part 1, you can see why the function of repressing the horrific memory, while automatically causing a fight or flight reaction, was critical to survival.

However, in a society where we are not threatened with life or death on a daily basis, the function that was essential to the survival of a primitive man is now, in a modern society, contributing to the manifestation of so many phobias.

How do phobias form?

Generally speaking, phobias can form in two ways.
In an adult, a phobia can form after a severe traumatic experience, such as a plane crash or a life threatening accident. In a traumatic experience, you can understand how a phobia could start. These phobias are usually temporary and fade with time.

Phobias formed in childhood are much more common and devastating.
When a child, between two and seven is witness to a traumatic experience (or a perceived traumatic experience) their primitive brain stem reacts the same as a primitive man; repressing the specific memory and triggering the “Fight or Flight Response”.
The memory of the traumatic incident is buried or repressed, again, by the subconscious, but the reaction to seeing the symbol of the trauma is reacted to in the same way our ancestors did.

Each time the repressed memory is stirred, whether by seeing or experiencing something that would stir that memory, the phobic reaction is stirred.
The reaction stirred by these repressed memories present themselves as phobias, each time the repressed memory is stimulated.
The phobic person will feel a variety of emotions, from mild discomfort to a full-blown panic attack.

Phobic Commonalities

“…I always had the fear of public speaking. Every time I needed to speak in front of people, my face would get red hot, I’d sweat… my voice would shake, I couldn’t breath. I assumed that I had ALWAYS been that way. I didn’t know any different. Then when I was hypnotized, the memory of my 2nd grade class came to me, my teacher and the kids in the class laughing at me; it all came back… I finally remembered and understood why I had the phobia. And it stopped! I couldn’t and still can’t believe it, but it worked!...”

a quote from Phil, a Police Captain with a severe public speaking phobia.
One common feeling many people with phobias have is the lack of knowledge or understanding of where and why they have their particular phobia.
Many people, who have had hypnotic intervention for the relief of a phobia, have told me that they remembered how and why the phobia began, only after being hypnotized.

The Self-Fulfilling Prophesy of a phobia.

“…Sometimes I think I will get an attack, and it happens, I’ll be fine until the
thought of chocking comes into my mind and then it happens…”,

a quote from Mary, a 47 year old who had a fear of chocking her whole life.
Very often sufferers of phobias will actually predict an attack happening.
This self-fulfilling prophesy aspect of phobias are common to all phobias.
Unfortunately, when you allow a thought to come into your mind, it is an exercise in futility to get it out. When you anticipate it happening it will happen.

The Anticipatory Anxiety factor; the third commonality…

“… I live with the phobia, I stay inside, but I also live with the fear of when it will happen; it can be worse than the fear itself… I live 24-7 with either the fear of seeing a bird or the fear of the phobia of seeing a bird”,

a quote from Karen, a 50 year old hairstylist with a fear of birds.
The fear of the phobia becomes worse than the fear itself. When a phobia is so ingrained, a person has no joy in their life because it (the phobia) is all they think of.

When you are in the midst of a phobic attack, you feel that you are alone in your fear and there is nothing that you can do!

It controls you and you are powerless to take that control back.

It takes on a presence of its own. All too often, people who have phobias will try to simply, avoid any chance of being where their phobia may be activated.
If you have a fear of birds, like Karen, you stay indoors.

If, like Phil, you have a public speaking phobia, you would never put yourself in a position to be speaking in front of a crowd.

However, what if you must deal with a phobia?

You can go to “Talk Therapy”, where you can discuss where and when it started and if you find the cause, you can find closure and cure.

You may learn coping strategies to “live with” the phobia.

However, if the function of the subconscious is the protector that will block the painful memory that causes the phobia AND is the store room for all your memories, it becomes quite difficult to determine where and when it started.
The place, the subconscious, which has the information for you to understand why you have a phobia, is the same place that is designed to keep that information from you.
I call this a phobic’s “Catch-22” and it is no joking matter.

I combine two hypnosis processes for the elimination of phobias. Combining Parts Therapy with Regression Therapy, works very powerfully to allow the sufferer of a phobia, get their life back.

In the next posting, titled “Phobias A to Z - Part 3” I will describe how hypnosis helps a phobic person eliminate the phobia and describe a case study about Sue, a single mom with a lifelong phobia of water- hydrophobia.

Feel free to make a comment on y blog, I will be happy to post it.

PHOBIAS from A to Z - Part 1

Synopsis;
In this posting I cover the subject of phobias. There is a listing of many phobias in alphabetical order and a lighthearted and serious view of phobias. I also give definitions of phobias, the brain the functioning of the sub-conscious and its effect on the conscious mind and how the brain forms phobias.

Phobias from A to Z

Fears and phobias have been with us since we first walked the planet.
They have been the subject of stories around a campfire, of books, of short stories, movies, radio shows, television and more.

As you can see from the following list, there are hundreds of phobias;
some seem understandable like Lilapsophobia – the fear of tornadoes;
some seem silly like Dendrophobia – the fear of trees;
some seem obvious like Aichmophobia – the fear of needles;
some seem bizarre like Octophobia – the fear of the number 8;
some seem strange like Barophobia – the fear of gravity;
some seem exhausting like Somniphobia – the fear of sleep;
some seem redundant like Phobophobia – the fear of phobias;
some make sense like Atychiphobia – the fear of failure
and
some seem common, like the number 1 phobia in the world...
Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public.

Below is an alphabetical listing of just some phobias…

Achluophobia - Fear of darkness.
Acrophobia - Fear of heights.
Agliophobia - Fear of pain.
Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or crowds.
Aichmophobia - Fear of needles or pointed objects.
Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car.
Androphobia - Fear of men.
Anginophobia - Fear of angina or choking.
Anthrophobia - Fear of flowers.
Anthropophobia - Fear of people or society.
Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched.
Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders.
Arithmophobia - Fear of numbers.
Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and lightening.
Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or untidiness.
Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection.
Atychiphobia - Fear of failure.
Autophobia - Fear of being alone.
Bacteriophobia - Fear of bacteria.
Barophobia - Fear of gravity.
Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs or steep slopes.
Batrachophobia - Fear of amphibians.
Belonephobia - Fear of pins and needles.
Bibliophobia - Fear of books.
Botanophobia - Fear of plants.
Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness.
Catagelophobia - Fear of being ridiculed.
Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors.
Chionophobia - Fear of snow.
Chromophobia - Fear of colors.
Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks.
Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces.
Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns.
Cyberphobia - Fear of computers.
Cynophobia - Fear of dogs.
Dendrophobia - Fear of trees.
Dentophobia - Fear of dentists.
Domatophobia - Fear of houses.
Dystychiphobia - Fear of accidents.
Ecophobia - Fear of the home.
Elurophobia - Fear of cats.
Entomophobia - Fear of insects.
Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers.
Equinophobia - Fear of horses.
Gamophobia - Fear of marriage.
Genuphobia - Fear of knees.
Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public.
Gynophobia - Fear of women.
Heliophobia - Fear of the sun.
Hemophobia - Fear of blood.
Herpetophobia - Fear of reptiles.
Hydrophobia - Fear of water.
Iatrophobia - Fear of doctors.
Insectophobia - Fear of insects.
Koinoniphobia - Fear of rooms.
Leukophobia - Fear of the color white.
Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
Lockiophobia - Fear of childbirth.
Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking.
Megalophobia - Fear of large things.
Melanophobia - Fear of the color black.
Microphobia - Fear of small things.
Mysophobia - Fear of dirt and germs.
Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things.
Noctiphobia - Fear of the night.
Nosocomephobia - Fear of hospitals.
Obesophobia - Fear of gaining weight.
Octophobia - Fear of the number 8.
Ombrophobia - Fear of rain.
Ophidiophobia - Fear of snakes.
Ornithophobia - Fear of birds.
Papyrophobia - Fear of paper.
Pathophobia - Fear of disease.
Pedophobia - Fear of children.
Philophobia - Fear of love.
Phobophobia - Fear of phobias.
Podophobia - Fear of feet.
Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color purple.
Pteridophobia - Fear of ferns.
Pteromerhanophobia - Fear of flying.
Pyrophobia - Fear of fire.
Scolionophobia - Fear of school.
Selenophobia - Fear of the moon.
Sociophobia - Fear of social evaluation.
Somniphobia - Fear of sleep.
Tachophobia - Fear of speed.
Technophobia - Fear of technology.
Tonitrophobia - Fear of thunder.
Trypanophobia - Fear of injections.
Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women.
Verminophobia - Fear of germs.
Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches and witchcraft.
Xenophobia - Fear of strangers or foreigners.
Zoophobia - Fear of animals.

The one thing that all phobias have in common, (actually, there are many more than “one thing”) is that they are no laughing matter for the millions of people who suffer from them.

A phobia that may seem silly or insignificant to you may be ruining the life of its victim.
People who suffer from phobias are in a constant state of apprehension and fear.
They are haunted by their fear both day and night,
by what is causing it;
by when it will happen again;
if they will ever be able to control it;
will they be embarrassed by their phobic attack?

Their lives are controlled by their particular phobia
and they are helpless to control their fears
and because they are helpless, they become hopeless.


Fortunately, I have found a very effective tool to help people with phobias gain control over their fears
and with this control, comes hope and finally a life free from debilitating fear.

The tool I am referring to is Hypnosis;
specifically PARTS Therapy.
Started in the 1950’s by Charles Tebbetts, this therapy goes directly to the “part” of the subconscious where the phobia resides, or more accurately…hides.

In order to understand and overcome the debilitating effects of a phobia, we first must thoroughly understand exactly what a phobia is, how it works from the subconscious and how it was formed.
Then, armed with that understanding a person with a phobia has the tools to overcome it;
to live a happier, normal fear-free life.

So…

“What is a Phobia?”

“Medline Plus” describes a phobia as

“…a type of anxiety disorder. It is a strong, irrational fear of something that poses little or no actual danger. There are many specific phobias. Acrophobia is a fear of heights. You may be able to ski the world's tallest mountains but be unable to go above the 5th floor of an office building. Agoraphobia is a fear of public places, and claustrophobia is a fear of closed-in places. If you become anxious and extremely self-conscious in everyday social situations, you could have a social phobia. Other common phobias involve tunnels, highway driving, water, flying, animals and blood...”

Wikipedia has a longer description and describes a phobia as

“…a morbid fear; an irrational, intense, persistent fear of certain situations,
activities, things, or people. The main symptom of this disorder is the excessive, unreasonable desire to avoid the feared subject. When the fear is beyond one's control, or if the fear is interfering with daily life it is considered a phobia… "
"...Phobias (in the clinical meaning of the term) are the most common form of anxiety disorders. An American study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) found that between 8.7% and 18.1% of Americans suffer from phobias. Broken down by age and gender, the study found that phobias were the most common mental illness among women in all age groups and the second most common illness among men older than 25...”
"...Most psychologists and psychiatrists classify phobias into three categories:
Social phobia,
also known as social anxiety disorder - fears involving other people or social situations such as performance anxiety or fears of embarrassment by scrutiny of others, such as eating in public. Social phobia may be further subdivided into generalized social phobia, and specific social phobia, which are cases of anxiety triggered only in specific situations.
Specific phobias -
fear of a single specific panic trigger such as spiders, snakes, dogs, elevators, water,
waves, flying, balloons, catching a specific illness, etc.
Agoraphobia -
a generalized fear of leaving home or a small familiar 'safe' area, and of possible panic attacks that might follow.,,"
The human brain is the center of the human nervous system and is a highly complex organ. It has the same general structure as the brains of other mammals, but is over five times as large as the "average brain" of a mammal with the same body size. Most of the expansion comes from the cerebral cortex, a convoluted layer of neural tissue that covers the surface of the forebrain. Especially expanded are the frontal lobes, which are involved in executive functions such as self-control, planning, reasoning, and abstract thought. The portion of the brain devoted to vision is also greatly
enlarged in humans.

The brain is the physical home of the conscious and subconscious…

OK…

We can (and I have) researched the heck out of phobias, but I can never find in my research, where they come from…
How and why they form…

Through working with many people with phobias,
I have found my own method of helping phobic people
and it doesn’t include months and months of talking sessions.

If you have no idea where it came from, what is the point of talking about phobias endlessly?
I feel it only strengthens its hold over you.

As I have described in other posts, the subconscious is the servant to the conscious mind, but by some of the complications it causes, you may disagree with that statement.

Picture this…

You are a caveman,
living a hunter/ gatherer existence.
You are primitive, living with your clan
and you are also hunted by other larger predators.

In order to survive, you must react instantly to a perceived threat.
But how do you instantly react?

Your primitive brain comes into play with the “Fight or Flight” instinct.
But it is not a true instinct, it must be learned…

So, there you are in the forest,
with your clan,
hunting rabbits,
picking vegetables etc.

You are 5 years old walking behind your mother.
Suddenly a large Jaguar leaps on your older brother,
dragging him screaming, bleeding and dying into the bush!

Your tribe instantly reacts!
The men throw their weapons!
The women grab you and the other small ones and run!
The image is burned into your mind, permanently!

To survive, they reacted instantly…
Fought and Fled and survived.

But, so that you never remember the horror of seeing the death of your brother,
your subconscious mind repressed and blocked the image of the scene from your conscious awareness.

You can’t recall your brother’s death,
but to survive,
it also lets the emotions of the event react in your mind,
each and every time the image of a Jaguar comes to you.

When seeing a Jaguar, from that moment on, you would either fight or flee,
without thought…

reaction MUST be immediate, without thought…
to survive.

So when a Jaguar is seen,
you like all your clan, react immediately almost instinctively,
but you will never remember why you react the way you do;
and you and your clan… survive.

This response is hard wired in our brains right now, from our distant past,
but… what was a survival mechanism then, is now causing phobias.

Webliography
Google
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/phobias.html
Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phobia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_brain


In my next posting titled “Phobias A to Z - Part 2”
I will be describing how this survival mechanism from our past, causes our phobias; how phobias are formed; and commonalities between many phobias.
Please feel free to make comments.

Group Hypnosis and Telephone Psychics... Buyers Beware

Synopsis;

This article is about the concerns everyone should have when deciding to participate in a group hypnosis workshop or seeking a psychic. There are links to online reports of misrepresentations by unscrupulous hypnosis and psychic practitioners. How everyone should keep a healthy skepticism and the best method of finding a hypnosis or metaphysical practitioner that is right for you.

All hypnosis is good for you.
A very strong statement, but one I stand behind.
No hypnotist, no matter how gifted, experienced or deceitful can make you do something that goes against your better judgment.
Even if you saw your best friend, making a fool of him or herself during a hypnosis stage show, you should know that they would be that goofy in the right situation and the hypnosis just let them let their hair down a little quicker.
Stage hypnosis is a double edged sword.
On one hand it demonstrates how powerful hypnosis is and at the same time it frightens away many people from taking advantage of a very beneficial therapeutic technique.
During a hypnosis session (group or individual) you will feel relaxed and your body will totally de-stress, your blood pressure will be reduced, time will fade away with your stress.
Sounds good, huh?
That’s ‘cause it is good.

Speaking in general, group hypnosis during a seminar or workshop can help people quit smoking or lose weight but, can never be as effective as a private session.
The reasons are many and obvious.
During group hypnosis, the hypnotist must adjust his technique for the average participant. Some will be deeper than others and so their hypnotic experience will be better,
while other participants will never experience hypnosis at all.

There are however, many benefits to attending a hypnosis workshop.
They are an inexpensive way to experience hypnosis
and understand what it feels like to be in hypnosis.

If you are in the 10 percent of the population that are extremely good hypnotic subjects,
you may walk out of the workshop and be perfectly happy and satisfied with the results.
Perhaps you will never smoke again or begin to control eating urges and
in general, most group hypnosis workshops are happy with a 10 % success rate.
I am not.
That is why my group hypnosis workshops are 4-5 hours long.
The reason why my group sessions are so long is because,
I want all participants to have the best shot at a great experience.
The workshops that I am doing now are,
"Smoking Cessation",
“Introduction to Hypnosis”,
“Past Life Regression”,
“Stress Management” and
“Hypnosis and Meditation”
In each group workshop, I will conduct at least three hypnosis experiences,
each one progressively more deeper than the previous one.
The reason is I want you to have a thouough experience
and not question if you were hypnotized.
The more often you experience hypnosis,
the deeper you go and your questioning if, in fact, you were hypnotized
becomes a moot point.
I want to feel comfortable that when you leave my workshop,
you will be satisfied, although I still admit,
group hypnosis can never be as effective as a private session.

There is a big difference between cynics and skeptics (I used to be a cynic)
no matter what proof you had,
if I didn’t believe in what you were “selling”,
I wasn't buying.
Period.

It didn’t matter if the proof was beyond doubt,
I was a non-believer and nothing would or could change my mind.
If that sounds like you, and nothing will change your mind,
you are not allowing a lot of joy and amazement into your life.
Consider challenging your disbelief,
you may be pleasantly surprised at the results of letting your
disbeliening guard down a little.

I am now a skeptic. I now will accept that anything as possible,
but I hold off, true belief until I am completely convinced.
Those things in life that I do not believe in,
I still allow myself the option of changing my mind,
should stronger proof come along.
I think I am a healthier person now than before.
I consider myself a “healthy” skeptic.

As in all professions, there are practitioners who are honest,
professional and totally reputable, but unfortunately,
there are those that are not
and give their profession a bad name.
With hypnosis (other than the types of group hypnosis seminars cited below)
there are hypnotists that are better than others,
but an extremely small percentage are fraudulent.

Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the field of Psychic/Mediumship.
The few fraudulent psychics have terribly besmirched
the reputation of practioners of this age old art and ability.
But in this case you MUST keep your healthy skepticism on high,
because in this field,
where people are so open and vulnerable,
the possibility of being a victim is higher than when looking for a hypnotherapist.
I suggest reading my blog article titled, “Metaphysicality”.

Here are a few articles from the internet about some, less than honest hypnosis smoking cessation and weight management programs and call in psychics.
You should always remember to thoroughly investigate any group hypnosis program, hypnocounselor/hypnotherapist or psychic.
Advertising in newspapers, radio and TV is fine,
but remember that word of mouth and referrals
are always the best way to find a reputable practitioner.
Ask for referrals and always, always keep your healthy skepticism!

*********************************************************************************

New Jersey Company That Markets Hypnosis Seminars for Smoking Cessation and Weight Loss Agrees to Settle FTC Charges
http://www.casewatch.org/ftc/news/1994/gorayeb.shtml


Florida Company That Markets Hypnosis Seminars for Smoking Cessation and Weight Loss Agrees to Settle FTC Charges
http://www.casewatch.org/ftc/news/1994/aihc.shtml


BBB of Texas report on fraud in hypnosis seminar
http://us.bbb.org/WWWRoot/SitePage.aspx?site=113&id=1869d6a9-82aa-49a1-8419-40a8251fa916&art=2934


IHI Settles FTC Charges over Stop-Smoking, Weight-Loss Claims
http://www.casewatch.org/ftc/news/1994/ihi-clinics.shtml


Lawsuits mount over “Miss Cleo”
http://www.slate.com/id/2063700/

Anger Management and the Adolescent Child

Synopsis;
This article is about Jack, a high school freshman who was adopted after years in the foster care system. At 15, he and his adopted family are concerned with his inability to control his temper. Using hypnotic intervention, I was able to assist Jack in understanding why he had problems with the control of his anger. We uncovered that rejection was the cause and that the inability to control anger is very common with the adopted child. I also discovered my frustration, with how many people failed to do what was right for Jack.

***

Anger Management and the Adolescent Child

The phone call from Jack’s mother started the same as many others had. A mother, concerned about her adolescent son and his inability to handle anger. “My son has anger management issues”, Diane started the conversation with the anxiety, fear and helplessness many mothers of adolescent children have. After talking with her for ten or fifteen minutes, I felt that hypnotherapy could help. I told her that anger management goes with pre-teens as peanut butter goes with jelly. She laughed but after hearing the stories of his overreaction to minor social frustrations, I sensed that there may be more to Jack’s anger management issues than that of a typical High School freshman. We scheduled our first session on Monday, January 7, 2008 at 5:30.

When I meet a new client, our initial conversation is very important; it sets the parameters and gives me the information I need to design the specific hypnotic process that would be the most effective. This initial conversation gives me insight into the cause of the issues that the person has and allows the person to address any concerns they may have. These concerns can include if they can be hypnotized, if hypnosis can help, can I as the hypnotist have the skills necessary to help, etc. Although we spoke on the phone, I did not know any specific information about the problems Jack was having, except that it pertained to his inability to control his temper. I knew that I must find what was causing his excess anger, in order to minimize, eliminate or assist him in controlling it. I say “excess” anger, because as I would later discuss with Jack, there is nothing wrong with anger; it is a necessary part of our psychological makeup, which is actually necessary if we are to survive in this culture. Problems arise when the anger becomes excessive. When a child overreacts with uncontrollable anger, the results can be obviously devastating to those around him and to the child himself. This is where the use of hypnosis can be so beneficial.

“How does this anger manifest itself?” I asked, looking at Diane. She proceeded to tell me how Jack had a problem in school with some of his fellow students. I asked Jack, who was sitting patiently and quietly, to join our “adult” conversation. As our discussion got into more detail, I learned how he reacted to his perceptions of being rejected, which seemed to be a exceptionally sore spot for Jack. In my mind, I decided to explore why rejection was so painful for him.“Does Jack see a counselor, therapist or school psychologist?” I asked, curious if Diane had tried traditional therapeutic intervention. Her response made me even more comfortable with her decision to see if hypnosis could help. “The psychologists I have sent him to have not worked and he is getting worse, not even a little better. He seemed angrier with this therapist. That’s why I wanted to try you”. She continued to relay the results of Jack’s therapies; saying that talk therapy and drugs did not seem to help and only would make him tired and irritable. As we spoke, Jack was intent on our conversation, quietly listening, occasionally nodding with approval; he did not seem agitated at all.

Jack is a 15-year-old, 5’10”, high school freshman with dark blond hair and bright eyes, which were intently focused on me. I knew that I was being evaluated; was I going to be just another adult social worker, just like all the rest? On the other hand, will I be able to help. I decided to turn the conversation around to Jack and involve him in the discussion, but I did not get the chance.
“Those guys [the therapists] didn’t care about me, the more we talked the madder I got,” he said staring at his feet. “They kept telling me that I shouldn’t let the other kids bother me… That I shouldn’t act this way or that way and the pills they gave me just made me tired…” He continued explaining how the past therapeutic methods were useless. I realized that both mother and child agreed that there was a critical need for intervention but had not found the right one…yet.

I was impressed with the mature and rational way Jack was discussing thedifficulty he had controlling his anger. One question puzzeled me… As we spoke, it was obvious that Jack had two supportive and loving parents. I learned that there were issues with his father, but nothing that was abnormally intense. They were the typical altercations between a father and his adolescent son. I asked Diane when she had noticed that the anger issue had started. I wanted to determine if the problems causing his anger might have been formed in his youth, from a repressed traumatic experience that was manifesting now. Yet I also felt that he was too young to have such repressed memories. Diane answered my question as to when the anger issues started…

“He’s adopted… and when he…” She was speaking but I stopped hearing as soon as I heard the word “adopted” that word made many flags go up and I instantly knew the direction I needed to go with Jack. I asked Diane to wait as I began to write down notes to myself as to the questions I wanted to have answered. I asked Diane to start from the beginning… his birth.
Diane told me Jack’s history. His birth mother gave him up for adoption when he was three years old. Jack told me she walked him up to his first of many foster homes, rang the doorbell, turned and walked away. Jack never saw her again and the last memory he has of his birth mother, was of her back as she left him with complete strangers. He was in foster care for 4 years. Jack would relay to me that he was shuffled around for those 4 years (which we call his “formative years”, I would wonder what was forming…perhaps, anger?). He was sent to live with different “nice” families. He told me that he would come home to find his (foster) “sister” had left and he had a new (foster) “brother”. When he was almost 7 years old, having spent 4 years in foster care, he was about to be adopted! He was elated! A family was going to adopt him! However, his new mother after a few months, informed the adoption agency, that she couldn’t “bond” with this little boy and he was sent back to foster care.

Within a year, another couple, looking to adopt, was again considering him. Diane and Joe finally adopted Jack. At 7 years old, he was finally adopted by the loving family he is with now. Now, eight years later, I am sitting with Jack and his mom, trying to find out why he has anger management issues. I thought that I would be much more surprised if he did not have anger management issues.

In the past 5 years, I've had three other clients who had children with anger management issues and all three children had been adopted. Unfortunately, I found that trying to work with adopted children with anger management issues could be a bumpy and frustrating two-way street. Two of the three did not respond well to hypnosis, while one young man was adopted at birth and was younger that Jack. His anger management issues were not related to adoption and were merely coincidental (even though I do not believe in coincidence). The two other adopted children had almost the same backgrounds as Jack and I was apprehensive that we might have similarly negative results. In both previous cases, the young men who were adopted in their early teens were so used to trying to manipulate their life situations, that they could or would not allow themselves to be hypnotized.

They feigned being hypnotized, which I was easily able to observe and after a few sessions, I told their parents that although I would be more than happy to continue working with their sons, the boys were not willing to allow themselves to be hypnotized. Although the boys protested and claimed that, they were hypnotized, I explained to their parents that I felt that they had become so self-protective, that they could not give up their perceived control. I suggested that hypnosis could be an effective method for rapid change, but that they initially needed a professional, licensed therapist for long-term therapy.

Now I had in a very similar situation. An adopted boy with anger management issues, with a very disturbing childhood. The comparison between Jack and the two other boys was obvious and I was not very optimistic that the results would be different. I would learn that the expression “third time’s a charm” has a certain amount of truth to it. There were many similarities between these three children and a few huge differences. Jack really wanted to control his anger. He was not being forced to come to me because his parents wanted him to control himself; he wanted to control his anger. He was sincere, involved, concerned and very involved in the process. He did not use a façade to feign hypnosis while trying to manipulate his environment as the other boys did.

After we had discussed the issue that instigated his bouts of uncontrolled anger, I knew what the common factor was. In retrospect, it was so obvious, but it was only obvious to me. I was not a family member who was so very involved with Jack’s well being, I was an impartial, rational and totally objective hypnotherapist. The common factor that initiated all Jack’s bouts of uncontrollable anger was rejection.

The normal pressures on adolescents are intense. These pressures contribute to rage in even the most well balanced child that comes from a nurturing family life. Mix the pressures of adolescence with the life experiences that Jack has had and when he is rejected in any way, by anyone; whether the rejection is actual or only in his perception… Jack explodes. After Jack, Diane and I spoke a little longer, I felt that I had enough information and I wanted to try hypnosis. I was still concerned that Jack, as the two prior adopted boys, would not allow himself to be hypnotized. Jack was very interested and involved and my concerns began to diminish and very soon would be completely gone.

Jack said he would be more comfortable if his mother were not in the room. Diane and I agreed, but I did tell Jack that the door to the hypnosis room would have to be open. As he settled into the recliner, I knew I needed to begin with addressing the subject of rejection.
“I know that what I am about to say may hurt,” I began, “but realize that I am not saying it to hurt, I am saying it to bring it up so you are aware of the problem…” I looked at him and said, “So take a deep breath, I don’t want you to comment right away, I want you to first think about what I’m about to say and then I’d like you to tell me what you are feeling… OK?… ready?”… Jack nodded and I said,
“When it comes to rejection, there is no one that knows more about it than you.” He took a breath, not really knowing how to react. I described to him what I thought he was feeling. I described feelings ranging from anger to sadness to hopelessness, he agreed with my observations. We began a long discussion on what he felt was the shortcomings of his past therapies. We were beginning to be comfortable with each other and I felt he was willing to try hypnosis. He was now able to trust me, which was a huge leap of faith on his part, considering his past; I was surprised he could trust anyone. After the first attempt to go into hypnosis met with a small amount of resistance, which is normal with boys his age and to my elated surprise on the second attempt he went relatively deeply into hypnosis.

He became a great hypnotic subject, not only going into hypnosis easily and deeply, he was looking forward to our sessions. This is not usually a big deal, but in Jack’s experiences with therapies, which only made him angrier, the fact that he actually wanted to return for additional sessions, demonstrated to me that the direction I was heading was the correct one. While hypnotized, Jack began to open up and understand his feelings about rejection. He was now, remembering his rejection in a different way. In the past, his memories of his rejection were unemotional, detaching from emotions was the way he was able to cope with the excruciating pain of rejection. However, when he was rejected, the energy needed to keep is anger in check was not enough; the result was an explosion of anger. He was also now allowing the emotions associated with those memories to be accessed.

He was able to accept that he had every right in the world to be as angry as he wanted. He started down a new path, one in which he could accept himself for who he is. As I worked with Jack, he began to accept, along with a better understanding of the cause of his anger, that he had no responsibilities for his situation and the frequency and severity of his bouts of anger began to decrease noticeably. I am optimistic about his ability to control his anger. I had been concerned that he wouldn’t allow himself to go into hypnosis. Now he is an excellent hypnotic subject.

In the past my experiences with adoptive children were not successful, now with Jack, I relished his success. The other children in his situation were not willing to be hurt again and thus, would not allow themselves to trust anyone, stagnating their personal health, development and growth. Jack had learned a wonderful life’s lesson; that he can allow himself to trust again.

I noticed a surprising amount of anger in the room, but it wasn’t coming from Jack. I realized that I was very angry! My anger was a general anger not directed at any one in particular. I was incensed that this sensitive child had been dealt a very raw deal, which was wrong in so many ways that I could not even start to list. How many people failed to do what was right for Jack?

Was it, his birth parents?
Yes, of course, if they were a loving average couple, I would not be writing this; Jack would be just the average kid with the average kid-type problems, in the average school, blissfully unaware that his average life could have been much, much different.

Was it the foster care system?
Somewhat, an overburdened system being run by overworked, underpaid, hopefully good meaning bureaucrats. It would be hard to point a finger at people who are working under the difficult conditions that they are. I suppose we could point a finger at politicians, but that would be too easy and would be futile.

Was it the adoption agency?
Sure, an organization that is making a profit from the desire of couples who cannot have a child and want to adopt, along with a child who has no one and wants to simply to be in a family that loves, respects and wants him.

Or was it his first adoptive family?
Let us look at the preceding sentence, “His First adoptive family”. Was Jack a puppy that was too much trouble to bother to “housebreak”? What could they have possibly be thinking? How could a couple who want to adopt a child, make the colossal decision to adopt that child only to “change their mind” and send the child back to the agency? How could anyone be that cold as to raise the hope of a child and then send this young boy back to the shelter as if he had no feelings or any rights?

The strange thing is that although they were at perhaps the top of the list of whom to blame for Jack’s anger management issues, they may have done him the largest of favors. For if he had stayed with these people who were so insensitive that they would have sent him away, Jack would never have met Diane and Joe, the wonderfully loving parents that he fortunately has now.

I am thankful to have met Jack and his family and hopeful that the difficult childhood that Jack has had, will no longer negatively affect his future. It had been a few weeks since our last session and I was curious as to how Jack was doing. I called and spoke with Diane who said that Jack is doing much better; he had an incident, which had caused him to be angry, but he controlled it well. I mentioned that we all get angry, it is part of life, but it is the method we use to control that anger which is so critical. When Jack had that recent angry incident, Diane had asked him if he wanted to make an appointment to see me. He said that he felt confident that he could handle it himself.

His response reminded me of the old addage about the fisherman and the fish. “Give a man a fish you feed him for a day, teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime”. After we spoke, I felt quite confident in Jack’s ability to handle his anger and I felt privileged to be the person to give Jack his “fishing pole”.